Page 29 of The Two Halves of My Heart

Chapter 9

Oliver Eighteen Years Old

Ithought going away for University would be good. I’d get away from Maddison and the destructive brotherly love that had developed between us. We’d always struggled to see eye to eye, but now Grace stood between us and drove us towards hate. She didn’t mean to. She wanted those magic moments when we were kids and thought we could take over the world with our friendship. The time we spent together was like a balm to the friction that Maddison and I generated. We vied for her attention, but she also brought us together.

Our friendship had morphed into a toxic mess of lust, love, and hate, all veiled under a cloak of secrecy because if we acknowledged how each other felt, it would destroy us.

At least Maddison knew the problem—it was only Grace who refused to look at the reality we were facing. And every day that passed, the pain grew in her eyes, because she was stuck in the middle and didn’t know what to for the best. By us both being here, being brothers and in her life, we were the cause of her pain.

So, University was going to give us all a break. But I needed it the most. I’d fallen in love with Grace the moment I saw her. It wasn’t clear to me what I felt straight away, and by the time I understood the feeling, I knew I could never say anything or tell her how I felt. Getting away from her and Maddison would give me time to breathe. That’s what I hoped. That’s what I begged for at night. To have just a little bit of peace from the constant want that filled my body and my heart for an untouchable girl.

She saw me as her big brother. She saw both of us as brothers. She loved us in her own way, but she’d never choose one of us over the other. Not if it meant risking what she clung to so tightly—our friendship. And knowing that, felt like carrying on with a splinter through my heart every single day, the pain, a dull ache at best, but then, sometimes, it caught me off guard and stabbed me through the chest and crippled me.

Maddison wouldn’t have a problem trying something with her. Hell, he’d been pushing me out of the picture every chance he got for the last few years, but I worried it was because he wanted to win Grace from me, rather than actually loving her. And I wasn’t going to ask what his intentions were.

But leaving turned out to be the worst decision. It drove me mad. Being hundreds of miles away ripped a part of my heart out, and I wasn’t strong enough to go through that.

“Do you have to go?” Grace moaned as I packed my gear into my car and slammed the door.

“Afraid so.”

“I swear, Oliver, what does York have that Bristol, Bath, or Cardiff doesn’t?” She placed her hands on her hips, taunting me. And all I could think about was those hips—her hands. And what I wouldn’t give to kiss her like I’d done countless times in my dreams.

“I’ll be back for the holidays.”

“The holidays. What about every other day? I’m losing my best friend. You’re going off to have fun and start a new life, and I’ll be here without you.”

“You’ll have me, don’t worry, Grace.” Maddison piped up, and I just about held my shit together. He put an arm around Grace’s shoulder, and I had to grind my teeth to keep from yelling. Because all I could see for the next three years, was them growing closer without me. Mads wouldn’t hesitate to ‘claim’ Grace. And I wasn’t sure I was ready to give her up—not that she was mine—I only wished she were.

Mum and Dad had left in their car ahead of me and would be driving back after all my stuff was sorted. I just needed to say goodbye to Grace and leave.

Drive off.

Go.

And not think of Mads on his own with her.

“Text me when you arrive.” Grace stepped out of Mads’ grip and into mine. I wrapped my arms around her and breathed her in as my lips skimmed the soft chocolate strands of her hair. I kissed her temple, unable to resist, and my lips lingered for a moment longer than they should have.

“I will. And take care of you. Phone me whenever you want, okay. I might not be next door, but I’m still your best friend.” I kept my words soft and for Grace only. I watched Mads as he looked on, impatient for me to get going.

“I’ll miss you so much,” she mumbled as she clutched me with her arms.

My eyes dropped closed, and I sent up a prayer for strength. How the fuck was I meant to leave her?

I pulled myself away, ripping myself in two as I went, and got into the car, cursing my choice of University, and already forming a plan in my head.

The ignition turned, and I forced my foot on the accelerator and left the girl I loved standing in the road, growing smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.

My hands were numb, and my body stiff as I indicated and turned into the services a few hours later. Guys didn’t talk about feelings, and I had to wonder if it was because they fucking hurt. I checked my phone as I stretched and headed to grab a coffee.

Enjoy Uni life. I’ll enjoy Grace. All to myself.

I nearly smashed the phone screen after reading the message, and I knew what I needed to do.

By the time I arrived at the halls of residence, I’d made up my mind. There was no way I’d be able to stay over five hours away from home for the next three years. It was hard enough leaving today. Not seeing Grace or being able to go home and visit often was going to slay me. There was no reason I needed to be this far away. I was a fucking idiot to think I could do this.

I met up with Mum and Dad and kept my plan to myself. If everything worked out, they wouldn’t even know until I’d sorted this mess out for myself.

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