Page 105 of The Two Halves of My Heart

Six months later

Oliver honoured my request.

From the moment I’d sent the letter, he hadn’t contacted me. And now, it was my turn to be in the dark. It was like the time he’d left all over again, and it was hard to imagine how he’d coped for all those months, getting no reply. He’d never given up.

Unlike Oliver, I couldn’t pack up and travel around the globe. I put my energy into my job, making friends at work, and being sociable. All the things I should have been doing over the previous year.

Every step, every positive action I took, hurt. It felt like I was leaving a part of me behind—the part that belonged to two boys.

But slowly, my affirmative attitude started to take hold, and my chest didn’t ache so much. The guilt didn’t weigh so heavily, and my smile came back. Work became exciting again, and I found a spark that I wanted to nurture. The books and manuscripts I read and authors I supported, inspired me, and I worked hard at my job because I believed in these stories again. The fantasy realms and magical worlds they depicted, resonated inside me and became my strength and source of happiness.

And it was that fire that pushed me forward and stopped me from dwelling on the pain in my past that I couldn’t control. I’d found a comfort level all on my own, and I was proud. The need to compulsively visit Maddison’s grave had eased, and although I still went, the sorrow didn’t grasp me like it used to.

“Hey, Maddison.” I ran my hand over the headstone and brushed off the few leaves that had found a home resting on the marble. The early evening quiet of the churchyard was calming; the breeze whipping through and rustling the trees prevented it from feeling eerie.

“I know that we all wish things were different, and I’m sure you’d be the first in line to change the outcome. But it’s time for me to stop living for the past and look to the future.” I gazed around, suddenly paranoid that there was someone here watching, but it was as empty as it always was.

“I’m seeing Oliver tomorrow. It’s been a while, so I don’t even know that he’ll talk to me, but I hope. And that’s something I’ve not had in a long time. I’m ready. It’s taken me a while, but I know that so many of the things I blamed myself for weren’t all on me. We loved each other so much, we didn’t consider if we were heading in the same direction. I’m sorry you felt the only way was to prove yourself. You never had to do that for me. And you got mixed up in whatever poison drove my mum away. I’m so sorry.” I thought of the words I’d learned to identify my feelings and how just a few months ago, every one of them had been disguised as guilt. “There are plenty of things I regret, Mads. But loving you will never be one of them. I hope you know that.”

I replaced the flowers that I always brought and gave the grave and his name a final look. Maddison and I hadn’t had the opportunity to resolve many of the feelings between us, but I’d done everything I could to honour him—and us.

But I wouldn’t let him hold me back from my happiness anymore.

Butterflies swarmed in my stomach as I waited for Oliver. I couldn’t sleep last night, after finally allowing myself to feel the excitement that might come from our reunion. Of course, it would take a huge amount of work. We’d barely been friends for the last several years. It would be foolish to assume we’d suddenly go back to being best friends when so much has changed for both of us. But I knew that no matter what Oliver had to say, I’d be grateful for him being in my life. If that was just as a friend, then so be it.

I checked my watch and took a breath, forcing myself to be patient—I’d just asked him to wait for me for six months. I could afford a few more minutes.

Nerves fought in my stomach and turned the excitement sour as the time continued to pass without any sign of Oliver. I looked out at the fields in front of me, and I was assaulted by so many memories, memories of fun and delight and childhood innocence. They were so precious, just like this spot. It was a part of our past, and it felt right to talk about our possible future here as well.

The soft crunch of footsteps on the dusty path jogged me from my reverie, and I turned to see Oliver.

Dressed in jeans and a casual shirt, his dark hair now longer on top, was swept back from his face. I took a deep inhale of air, suddenly feeling like everything would be okay merely from setting eyes on him. He reminded me of home—not a place, but a feeling, and one that I’d missed fiercely.

“Hi,” I called out.

“Hi,” he responded as he closed the distance between us.

“I’m sorry –”

He cut me off as he rushed towards me and crashed his lips to mine. His arms surrounded and pulled me against his chest. He stole my breath, but that didn’t stop my response. I was thrown back to our stolen kiss all those years ago, but this wasn’t a goodbye. As his tongue slipped against mine, I felt the purpose and possession he’d pledged in his kiss.

My hands ran up to the base of his neck, and my fingers worked through his hair, exploring in a way I’d never allowed myself before. Our kiss rolled on as we both enjoyed the push and pull of our lips against each other as my heart beat wildly in my chest.

Oliver finally paused, slowing the tempo and placing soft kisses across my lips and cheeks, working his way up to my eyes and finally my forehead. It was as if he was checking I was still real, and it filled me with a glow of happiness.

“I didn’t know if I was too late. I’m sorry I made you wait, but I couldn’t see a way through anything back then.” I spluttered the words, still giddy from our kiss.

“I’d wait for you forever, Grace. You once told me you couldn’t fathom a world where I wasn’t in it. Well, that’s the same for me.”

I stepped back from him, and our fingers tangled together between us.

“I’m just so relieved that you’re back in mine now.”

“So, you think we can have a go at being friends again?” I looked up at him, hoping that wasn’t just a figment of my imagination I’d conjured after dwelling on the happy memories of our past.

“No.” His reply stunned me, and the blood pulsed around my body, suddenly turning to ice.

“I don’t understand?”

“We can’t be friends. At least we can’t only be friends. I walked away from you before, thinking it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t, and I will never make that same mistake again. So, I’m all in. I love you, Grace Shaw. I’ve loved you for a very long time and yet I’ve never been able to show you just how much.”

My heart gave a gentle squeeze at his declaration. I hadn’t expected this, although I knew Oliver was one for grand gestures. My expectations had been much lower.

“Would you hate me if I asked you if we can take things slowly? My heart is still a little bruised.”

“As long as we’re together, we can take it as slowly as you like. Just stop pushing me away.”

“I promise.” I stared into his hazel eyes and gave him my word. “And just so you know, I love you, too.”

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