Page 61 of The Two Halves of My Heart

“Give me half an hour.” I pulled the covers over my head and tried to muster my courage to do this.

My initial awkwardness lingered like a bad cloud as Mads drove us to a local diner for breakfast. I could barely look him in the eye.

We found a booth and grabbed the menus stacked and ready to be read, all the while the background buzzing was getting louder and louder in my head. It had been my idea to talk, and I knew he was waiting for me to start. There was no way he was going to open his lips to discuss what was happening between us without the pressure to do it.

The waitress brought around a coffee, which we both gladly accepted, before placing our orders. The events of last night and the looming conversation had my stomach doing flips, so I settled for a toasted bagel compared to Maddison’s full English breakfast.

We went back to being quiet, so, I took the proverbial swan dive. “Last night, was it about me—or us—or was it just because of the win?” It was probably one of the biggest fears I’d had, a conclusion I’d arrived at sometime around three in the morning. And the question didn’t just include last night. Maddison always had to win at everything. If I’d relinquished, and he’d won me, would he lose interest?

He looked at me, and I studied the lines of his jaw, watching for signs of frustration.

“I don’t know why you’d think it would be about anything but you. You know how I feel. You’ll never admit your side in all of this though. You’re too hung up on what the right thing to do is, and that, Grace, will stop anything from happening between us. Because until you decide what you really want, we’re going nowhere.”

He was right, and I couldn’t hide from it. But what I wanted was scary and new and something that I’d been fighting for so long, it didn’t feel right to reach for it now it was right in front of me.

Breakfast arrived, and I let the food distract Maddison from the lack of conversation due to my internal dialogue.

Why, the one time he was sensible and logical about an argument or problem, did it have to be about us?

The rest of the meal was painfully awkward. I nibbled my way through my bagel, unable to stomach it due to the ball of nerves in the way.

The words Oliver had thrown at me about Maddison being there for me after he’d left drifted into my head. Oliver had given me a way through this mess of emotions, but I was still scared. Were my feelings honest? Could I trust them after being divided for so long?

Something had to change, and maybe that was me, and perhaps it was time to take some of Maddison’s courage for myself?

We left the diner and drove home. My palms turned clammy, and for once, it was my leg that started to bounce on the floor. It was time to be honest and show Maddison the respect he deserved.

“Everything you’ve said is true. I have been hiding, and I’m scared of my feelings. I have been for years because they aren’t normal. Oliver walked away, but perhaps it should have been me to make that step. But hey, I made the choices I did for my own reasons. And I’m not about to jump into something with you. We can’t rush this. You’ve been my best friend for over ten years. If we do this, I could lose you, and that’s a risk that terrifies me.”

He turned off the engine as we parked up, and I followed him out of the car, now desperate to hear his response. He barred me from entering the house—his arm blocking the path and giving me no option but to look at him.

“You won’t lose me, Grace. You’ll never do that.” He pushed my hair from my face and ran the long strands through his fingers. It set my nerves alight and my heart racing.

“Easy for you to say. I don’t know how to be a girlfriend. It’s lame and stupid, and I realise that I’m a grown woman saying this, but if this is going to work, I want us to be honest with each other.”

“Honesty, I can do. And, there’s no secret to being a girlfriend.” He crowded me, steering me inside the house. “Just be the beautiful and kind girl you already are. But let me kiss you when I want. Deal?”

My back bumped against the hall wall, and the door clicked shut behind Mads. His smile stretched over his mouth like he’d just cornered his prey.

I smiled at him in return, anticipation fluttering around my chest. “Deal.”

He leaned over me, and I tilted my head up to meet him. He brushed his lips over mine, just a tease, before he kissed me, put all of his weight against me, and pressed me against the wall. I gave in, and finally let it happen, taking his lead and let myself get wrapped up in the sensations. His hands wrapped around my waist and anchored me to the spot. Emotions overwhelmed me as if a dam had finally broken and swept away my fears and worries. I didn’t think, I acted and responded, kissing him back the way his lips were moving over mine.

He tasted of salt and coffee, and I allowed myself to get lost in him. To finally give in to the pull, the desire, and the temptation that had always been bubbling under the surface.

As his arms pulled me tighter, I become acutely aware of every part of Maddison’s body and his reaction to me. The thought started me trembling, and I pulled back a little, suddenly nervous, but for an entirely different reason.

“Relax. We’ll get to that, but you asked for slow. I’m not going to rush this. I’ve waited for you for years. I can wait a little longer.”

But I suddenly didn’t want to go slowly or wait. Hadn’t we waited long enough?

I reached my arms around his neck, and pulled him back to my mouth, desperate to show him that this was what I wanted—that I wanted him.

“Grace… Baby, slow down.”

“Why?” I panted, breathing him in.

He pushed my shoulders back, keeping me away, and I looked at him in confusion. “Because I’m not a fucking saint, and I’ve wanted you for a long time. Don’t tempt me and then take it away.”

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