Page 42 of Spanish Marriage Solution

Yet... He’d spent two weeks taking care of her, giving her pleasure, holding her when she cried and giving her little pieces of himself. He’d told her she was important to him, and he’d made her feel it too.

He was important to her. He was everything to her. She had to be honest with him. She had to. And she couldn’t pretend that she was okay the way she had with Edward, the way she had with Emily and with her parents. Pretend that he didn’t matter to her and that she didn’t feel anything for him. Pretending was all she’d been doing for years and, yes, she was tired of it.

She didn’t want to do it any more and maybe the time had come to stop.

They could have more than this if only she had the courage to ask for it.

Alice pulled away from him and took a couple of steps, putting some physical distance between them.

He frowned in puzzlement, his beautiful face lit by the setting sun, turning his hair glossy, gilding him with amber.

Her heart beat hard against her ribs. She couldn’t not say it. She owed it to him and to herself. ‘No, Sebastián,’ she said. ‘No, it isn’t.’

He didn’t move and yet his whole posture tensed, his face hardening. ‘What more do you want?’

It was too late to back down now. She’d said the first words and now she had to say the rest of them.

Alice swallowed and lifted her chin. ‘I know back in Spain I said that I didn’t want love, but... I lied. I lied, Sebastián. Because that’s when I realised I was in love with you.’

Something bright and intense leapt in his eyes, then it was gone. His expression hardened even more, becoming set. ‘Alice. That’s not what we agreed on.’

Of course he wouldn’t want this. She’d known that already, but his response was proof. The small, precious hope she’d been nurturing for longer than she could remember shrivelled up and died. It was strangely freeing.

He didn’t want this. He didn’t want her. Which meant she could say anything she liked to him without fear of upsetting the delicate balance between them. Because it wasn’t just upset, it had been destroyed.

‘I know,’ she said and lifted a shoulder. ‘But it happened anyway.’

He stared at her, his mouth a hard line. ‘This changes things. This changes everything.’

‘Really?’ Anger was starting to rise up inside her and she let it. ‘And how, exactly, does it change things?’

He took an abrupt step forward. ‘You know I can’t hold you to our marriage now, don’t you? You know I can’t keep you.’

‘Why?’ Her anger leapt higher. ‘Why does it make any difference at all?’

‘Because I don’t want love, Alice. In fact, I specifically said that our marriage would not feature love in any way.’

‘So?’ she flung back. ‘That sounds like a you problem, Sebastián. And it certainly doesn’t mean I can’t love you.’

‘So for how long?’ he demanded, his own temper glittering in his eyes now. ‘How long will this last if love is any part of it? You’ll get tired of it. You’ll get tired of me withholding something from you that you want. Then you’ll stop wanting our marriage and you’ll go behind my back with someone else.’

Hurt knifed through her. ‘No,’ she said furiously. ‘That’s not going to happen. How dare you think that I’d ever do something like that?’

‘I thought Emily wouldn’t, but she did,’ he said flatly. ‘Because I couldn’t give her what I can’t give you.’

‘Couldn’t or wouldn’t, Sebastian?’ She took a step towards him too, staring up into his furious amber gaze. ‘Be clear on which it is, because that sounds awfully like a choice to me.’

He stared at her. ‘Yes, you’re right. It’s a choice. I couldn’t give her what she wanted, because I’d already given it to you.’

There was shock in her eyes, and she was staring at him as if he’d just started speaking Greek. She looked magnificent, as she always did, especially when she was in a fury. Her eyes deep and dark and full of hot temper, her hair wild and dark down her back. She wore the sexiest white dress, a halter neck that cupped her breasts and hugged her hips before swirling out into full skirts. The ends of the halter tied behind her neck and fell down her back, just begging to be pulled.

She was so beautiful and yet everything inside him was clenched tight with disappointment.

She loved him. Even though he’d told her that love could never be a part of their relationship. Even though he’d warned her. And now he could give a name to the feeling that clawed at his own heart every time he looked at her.

He loved her too. He had loved her the second he’d seen her. And he’d been telling himself lies all this time, because he’d already had a wife and he’d made promises to her. He’d wanted to be a good husband just as he’d wanted to be a good son. Telling himself that it wasn’t, couldn’t be love, that it was something else, something powerful and compelling and passionate, but definitely not love.

It was love, of course.

---