Page 35 of Spanish Marriage Solution

She hadn’t been able to get it out of her head. He’d been honest, his gaze fierce, yet there had been a grim note in his voice when he’d said it.

A shiver at the memory went through her. She’d been shocked. Firstly that he’d been anywhere close to falling for her, which she hadn’t known, and secondly, that her initial reaction had been one of pure, unadulterated joy.

In fact, if she thought about it now, she could still feel the warmth of that joy, like the Caribbean sun blazing in her heart. She’d struggled to cover it because there had been no joy in his face, no joy in his voice either. He’d said it as if falling for her would be the worst thing in the world.

That had hurt, made the knife twist hard inside her, but she was good at masking her emotions, so she’d made sure that hurt didn’t show. It was fine if he didn’t want to love her. Love had always been a fraught emotion, full of high expectations and crushing disappointments, of giving and giving and getting nothing in return. Of feeling as if she wasn’t good enough for anyone. Not for her parents, not for Edward. And maybe in the end, not enough for Emily either. Because if she had been, would Emily have had an affair with Alice’s husband?

Really, she was better off without it, and most especially from him.

Yet no matter what she told herself, she could still feel that joy inside her. The bright spark of possibility that refused to be ignored. And looking into his eyes now, she couldn’t help the rogue thought that whispered just how good it would be to be loved by him. To have all his fierce passion directed on her, and not just the physical passion. The emotional intensity that had had him claim Diego and refuse to give him up.

You want that. You want to be claimed. You want to be loved and loved passionately. You’re hungry for it.

Her throat closed with longing. Well, who wouldn’t be hungry for it? But it didn’t have to be with him. She could find some other man like him who didn’t have all the baggage and who was ready to love and be loved in return.

But there are no other men like him and you know that.

She tore her gaze away from his mesmerising smile. It wasn’t true. There were plenty of men like him. Men with smoky golden eyes and fierce passion and intensity. Men who blazed with desire when she touched them. Men who wanted her just as fiercely as she wanted them...

The strange grief in her throat got worse. No, she was lying to herself. It was true. There were no other men like him. He was the only one. And she could tell herself all she liked that she’d find someone else and fall in love with him, but the truth was that wasn’t going to happen.

No. Because you’re in love with him and you have been ever since the day you met him.

Cold prickled all over her skin, her stomach dropping, and she had to stare hard at the brilliant turquoise of the lagoon to control her expression. Her heart was thundering in her chest so loud she could barely hear anything else.

Love at first sight. The lightning bolt from the blue. She’d never believed in it. She hadn’t loved Edward at first sight. That had grown over the years he and she and Emily were at school. Maybe that was why she hadn’t recognised what she’d felt for Sebastián when it had happened. Because she hadn’t believed it would ever happen to her and yet... It had. She was in love with him, completely and utterly and she had been for the past five years. But she’d been married so she’d minimised it, told herself it was just some strange attraction she didn’t understand. Yet it had never been that.

He doesn’t want to love you in return.

She tried to ignore the lump of pain and grief that choked her. She couldn’t let that matter. She had to pretend that all of this was just sexual attraction and nothing more, because maybe if she did, it would go away. She certainly couldn’t tell him how she felt, not when doing so might ruin this special time together. And especially not when he’d been perfectly clear about what he wanted and what he didn’t.

‘Alice?’ he asked, his voice full of concern. ‘What’s wrong?’

Forcing away her emotions, she swallowed hard and braced herself before glancing back at him. Somehow she managed to produce a smile. ‘Nothing. Only...sometimes you’re just too gorgeous to even look at.’

He laughed, which made everything worse, because the sound was so warm and so devastatingly attractive. She could listen to him laugh until the end of time. ‘I know the feeling,’ he said, his gaze turning molten as it ran over her in blatant appreciation. ‘Though I think I can force myself.’

Inevitable arousal moved like a tide through her veins. God, how she loved the way he looked at her. She was as naked as he was and the obvious delight he took in her nakedness had gone a long way to boosting her confidence in her body. She’d even come to enjoy wearing nothing, especially since it meant he wore nothing too.

Yet another reason to love him.

She fought to keep the smile on her face, to not let any trace of her thoughts show. Luckily his attention had dropped to her stomach. He frowned slightly then reached to trace her surgery scar. She’d been very aware of it initially, the first time she’d been naked with him, but he hadn’t made any comment about it or drawn attention to it, and gradually she’d lost her self-consciousness.

Now though, as his fingers brushed over the thin white line just above her pubic bone, she tensed.

He glanced up immediately. ‘You don’t want me touching you here?’

She swallowed again, trying to relax. ‘No, it’s fine.’

‘It’s not fine. You’re tense.’

‘It doesn’t hurt, if that’s what you’re asking. It’s just...’

‘Painful in other ways,’ he finished for her.

What could she say other than the truth? ‘Yes,’ she said simply. ‘It is.’

He kept his hand where it was, his fingertips tracing the line of her scar with such gentleness that the full, aching feeling already in her heart became heavy and raw. ‘I’m so sorry this happened to you,’ he murmured. ‘You wanted children quite badly, didn’t you?’

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