Page 31 of Spanish Marriage Solution

He frowned. ‘I’m not sure quite what the issue is. That’s what I told you would happen, and you agreed.’

‘Yes, I did. I just didn’t realise I was expected to live here and be happy with you completely ignoring me.’

The mare nickered and nudged at his shoulder, and he reached up once more to stroke her nose. His gaze was dispassionate as he stared at her, and Alice was reminded yet again of what Emily had said about him seeming to care more for the horses than for her. Perhaps he did. Why that thought should feel so very disappointing she didn’t know.

Are you sure you don’t know? You want him to care for you and you always have.

No, she didn’t want that. Why would she? She’d already been in love with one husband who’d seemed indifferent to her and she didn’t want to fall for another. Sebastián wasn’t indifferent at least, but she knew that was all about their physical chemistry, despite what he’d said back in Madrid about it being more than that. If it had been more, he wouldn’t have distanced her, so clearly he’d been mistaken.

‘You can live somewhere else if you’d prefer,’ he said. ‘You’re not a prisoner here, Alice. You can go wherever you like.’

The inexplicable disappointment deepened into hurt. So not only did he not want to talk to her, he was also completely happy for her to leave.

He told you what to expect.

A physical marriage, that was all. And back in Madrid, on a high from the sex they’d had, she’d been fine with that. But now the reality of her situation was becoming apparent, she realised that actually she wasn’t fine with that.

But there was no point in telling him she was hurt or making a fuss about it. That was what Emily had done. Either that or running away, and she wasn’t going to do that either. Instead, she reached for her anger, because that at least made her feel strong.

‘And if I did?’ she asked shortly. ‘What would you do at night without me in your bed?’

A muscle ticced in the side of his jaw, a sure sign of his own temper rising. ‘I would survive.’

So, after the intense passion they’d shared and then insisting on a full marriage, he was now completely happy for her to move out?

The hurt inside her deepened, a knife twisting in her gut. It was so much a reminder of her marriage to Edward that it was painful. Edward might have chosen her, but he hadn’t fought for their relationship, and he hadn’t fought for her. When he’d been unhappy, he’d turned around and gone after her sister instead.

‘Okay, so you’re absolutely fine with me living somewhere else, then.’ She knew she was starting to sound shrill and yet she couldn’t help herself. ‘And you don’t apparently care whether I’m around or not. I get it. But I did think the whole point of this marriage was to create a family for Diego.’

The muscle in his jaw leapt again. ‘It is. I’m not the one threatening to live somewhere else.’

Her anger twisted hard. Did he really not understand? Perhaps he didn’t. Yet that would mean having to tell him that she was lonely. That she wanted more than this. More from him. How could she though, when she didn’t even know what more she wanted?

Then again, if she didn’t tell him, how would he know?

‘It’s isolating, Sebastián,’ she said, trying not to sound as pathetic as she feared she might. ‘And it’s lonely. I uprooted my whole life to come here and yet for the past two weeks I’ve been alone with nothing but Diego for company. Which is fine, but he’s a baby. He can’t exactly have a conversation with me.’

Something shifted in Sebastián’s eyes, a flicker of what looked like surprise, but it was gone before she could read it. ‘What do you want, then?’ he asked. ‘I’m busy during the day and you get plenty of attention at night.’

‘I’m not talking about sex,’ she snapped. ‘Some adult conversation might be nice.’

‘Fine. What do you want to talk about?’

He didn’t want to talk to her. He really couldn’t be clearer.

The needle of hurt dug deeper. Again, this felt like what had happened with her and Edward, her constantly pushing and him retreating, giving her what she wanted and yet always in ways that felt placating. It had always felt false. She hated it.

Suddenly her appetite for argument vanished, leaving her with a bone-deep emotional exhaustion that had nothing to do with lack of sleep and more to do with spending two weeks fighting grief and an intense desire for a man who apparently wanted nothing from her but sex.

‘Forget it,’ she said, abruptly turning away. ‘I’ve changed my mind.’

The air felt tight around him, as if her entering the stables had somehow tipped the oxygen right out of it. She had on one of the loose summer dresses she’d taken to wearing around the hacienda, this one in a deep golden yellow, and it made her skin look gilded, her eyes like the darkest espresso, and her hair as if there were threads of gold running through the glossy black strands.

She was so beautiful. She was also hurt and angry, and all thanks to him.

He should let her walk away, let her take that hurt and anger with her, but while he could stand her temper, he couldn’t bear to hurt her. Emily had told him the same thing about life at the hacienda being lonely and isolating, yet it hadn’t been time with him that Emily had wanted. She’d wanted to go back to the city, to shop and eat at fancy restaurants, and go out to nightclubs and parties. Oh, she’d wanted him to come with her and he’d gone a couple of times, but those things weren’t to his taste. He preferred the quiet of the countryside, spending time with the horses, going riding and hiking in the mountains, or simply sitting in the hacienda courtyard with a good book.

Alice wasn’t asking for any of the things Emily had. All she’d wanted was some conversation. It wasn’t much, and yet she couldn’t have asked for anything more dangerous. Mainly because he’d been trying to set boundaries around their marriage for the past two weeks.

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