Page 30 of Spanish Marriage Solution

Alice shifted uncomfortably in her chair then leaned forward to stir her cold tea yet again. She didn’t want to be thinking of Edward right now, but she couldn’t deny the similarities. They’d stopped talking to each other in the year before he died, becoming virtual strangers to each other, and she hadn’t known how to bridge the gap she’d sensed opening up between them.

It had been lonely, and she’d been so unhappy.

And now you’re heading down the same path with Sebastián.

Yes, and if she wasn’t careful, she was going to end up having the same life and the same marriage that she’d had with Edward. Only with Sebastián it would be worse, because while she had some of him at night when they were together, she didn’t have the whole. Not that she was asking for the whole, but she’d like a lot more than what she had now.

Emily had found living in the hacienda isolating and lonely, Alice remembered, and now she knew why. Because if this was how Sebastián had treated her, no wonder she’d been lonely.

You agreed to the marriage. You knew what you were getting into.

Sadly, true. Emily had solved her issues by staying in the apartment Sebastián had bought her in Paris and then, of course, by having an affair with Edward. But then Emily had always wanted to be chased. Alice was different. She already knew no one was going to chase her and if she wanted to solve this problem, she was going to have to sort it out herself. Clearly Sebastián wasn’t going to.

Edward had never wanted to talk, he’d brushed her off every time she’d tried to discuss what was happening in their marriage. And she hadn’t pushed. She’d been afraid he’d simply decide she was too much trouble and leave.

She had that same fear with Sebastián. They didn’t love each other. Also, he’d made his position clear. He didn’t do divorce and he would never be unfaithful, and she believed him. He was very much a man of his word and had strong convictions, and she was certain he wouldn’t just up and leave if she pushed him.

Deciding that sitting around thinking about it wasn’t going to solve the issue any faster, Alice shoved her chair back and got up, making her way through the gardens to the stables.

Sebastián was with one of the mares, standing outside her stall and talking to Tomas, the stable manager. The mare had her head over the gate and was nuzzling at Sebastián’s shoulder. As Alice watched, he lifted an absent hand and gave her long nose a stroke.

Alice shivered, a prickling excitement settling down low in her belly. He was so affectionate with the horses. That was what she’d been drawn to when she’d used to come down here initially, his gentleness and kindness with them so at odds with how cold he was to her. How they would come to him as if they knew he was someone they could love and trust.

She’d never had that, she realised with a sudden lurch. Even with Edward. Emily had been his first love and even though he’d chosen Alice, she’d always wondered if he’d regretted it. If she’d merely been a poor second choice. That doubt had lingered and she’d never been able to shake it. Especially after the miscarriage, as he’d withdrawn from her even more, taking her trust in him along with it.

Of course he regretted it. Why do you think he went and had a child with your sister?

Emily had always been the first choice, the better choice. Even when Alice had been a kid, her parents had prioritised Emily’s appointments and play dates, school performances and sports days, and sometimes they forgot about hers. She could never trust that they would think of her first. She’d asked her mother once why that was, and her mother had replied that Alice could look after herself. Emily simply needed more than she did. And it was the truth. Emily always did.

Even now, though, you’re not Sebastián’s first choice.

No, but she didn’t need to be. He, at least, had been honest with her about what he could give and what he couldn’t, and, to be fair to him, he’d given her exactly what he’d promised. He’d certainly gone a long way to healing the hurt Edward had dealt to her physical and sexual confidence, so there was that. And as to more, maybe that would come in time.

What about love?

Perhaps she’d find love with someone else at some point. Or maybe this would be enough for her. Somewhere inside her something went stiff with denial at the thought, but she ignored it.

Instead, she waited until Sebastián had finished speaking with Tomas then, after the other man had left, she walked slowly over to the stall.

Sebastián eyed her, his expression guarded. ‘Alice? Did you need something?’

Her heart was beating a little too fast, though she wasn’t sure why since all he could do was refuse to talk to her and she didn’t think he’d do that.

You want more from him than a mere ‘talk’.

She ignored that thought too.

He was gorgeous today in casual jeans and a T-shirt that showed off his magnificent physique, and she found it difficult to concentrate on what she wanted to say. It seemed unfair that even after two weeks of gorging herself on him every night, she still struggled to string words together in his presence.

‘I think we need to talk,’ she finally managed.

He lifted one black brow. ‘Talk? Talk about what?’

Alice took a steadying breath and folded her arms over her thundering heart. ‘Our marriage, Sebastián.’

His expression betrayed nothing. ‘What about it?’

‘It’s just... Is this how it’s going to be from now on? You and I living completely separate lives except at night?’

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