Page 24 of Spanish Marriage Solution

He was doing nothing of the kind. He knew the dangers of following his heart, of wanting things too desperately, and he kept his passions firmly confined. Yes, he’d lost control the night before, but making Alice his wife should take care of his physical desires. After all, what better solution was there? Alice was Diego’s aunt and she wanted him, had been desperate enough to take on a legal challenge to have him. She would be the best mother for him. A lioness to protect him and love him, give him the family he deserved.

Yes, marrying her was the perfect fix for all their issues. Which meant the only issue left he had to deal with was Alice herself.

It was difficult to tell what she truly thought of the idea, because while she’d certainly been outraged, her face had also been flushed, and he could tell that she’d been thinking of the night before. She hadn’t slept either—the dark circles under her eyes were proof enough of that.

Those beautiful eyes were very wide now and still full of shock and outrage. Yet not only that. The embers of the passion they’d shared last night were smouldering there too, banked coals just waiting to burst into life again.

It hadn’t eased for her as it hadn’t eased for him, either. One night would never be enough to satisfy his hunger and, after all, passion was allowed in marriage. He’d shared it with Emily, although he had to admit that what he’d experienced with Emily paled in comparison to what had happened between him and Alice.

You’d give Alice what you could never give to her sister? How is that fair?

But he wouldn’t be giving Alice anything more than physical passion, so it was completely fair. His heart would never be involved. That wasn’t what he wanted. Love was mean, it was punitive and demanding, and he was done with giving everything he had and it never being enough. Besides, Emily was gone now, and surely she’d forgive him spending physical passion with her sister. After all, she hadn’t been faithful and it was too late now anyway. He’d crossed the line already.

‘But I... I don’t even know you,’ Alice said faintly. ‘Not really.’

‘You know me. You’ve known me for five years.’

‘No, I don’t. I don’t know the first thing about you. How could I? When you basically treated me as if I had the plague the whole time you and Emily were married.’

Irritation caught at him. While he’d expected her to be reluctant, after last night he’d thought she’d be more receptive to his proposal. Emily’s and Edward’s deaths were always going to be an obstacle, but still. It wasn’t as if he and Alice were in love.

‘Are you surprised?’ he said shortly. ‘It’s not as if you welcomed me with open arms yourself.’

How can you say that? When it was you who held her at arm’s length? You were cold and distant to her for a reason.

Her chin came up, the light of battle in her eyes, making the dark circles beneath them fade and warm colour stain her cheekbones. Even having no sleep and wrapped in a white robe, her hair tangled over her shoulders, she was so beautiful she stopped his heart. ‘You’ve only got yourself to blame for that, Sebastián. I was ready to welcome you the day we first met. I couldn’t wait to meet you, even. Then you looked at me as if I were dirt.’

He shouldn’t admit to what he’d felt for her even back then. It felt wrong. A betrayal of the marriage he’d had with Emily. Yet if he wanted her to accept his proposal, he was going to have to give her the truth. He could see that now.

‘Surely,’ he said, ‘you have some idea about why that was.’

She frowned. ‘No, of course I didn’t. Why would I?’

Perhaps she hadn’t known. Perhaps she hadn’t been completely conscious of the electricity that had been between them, what had always been between them. Or maybe she had been, but she hadn’t understood what it was. Then again, could she have been that blind? Or that innocent?

Sebastián took a step closer to her. ‘I think you do, Alice. I think you know damn well.’

Her cheeks had gone a deep red and he could see her struggle with the urge to step back and away from him, to put some distance between them. Yet she didn’t move. She was a fighter, this woman. He liked that very much.

‘So, you were attracted to me.’ Her chin was held high. ‘Is that what you’re saying? That’s why you were so cold and distant? For five years?’

There was accusation in her voice and admittedly it all sounded petty and ridiculous when she said it like that. Yet...he hadn’t been able to do anything else. Not when he knew how susceptible he was to his own reckless heart.

He’d always been drawn to the stables, the gentle acceptance of the horses soothing something in his wounded soul. Mateo had forbidden him to speak to any of the stable hands, but Javier, the stable manager, had watched him and noted his easy way with the animals, and had told him he had a gift. ‘Come to the stables any time,’ Javier had told him. ‘I can teach you.’

Sebastián had been taught to ride by Mateo as soon as he could walk, but Mateo had been as harsh and exacting with him as he was with the animals. Javier had been different. He’d been gentler, kinder, intuitive and Sebastián had found him a much more knowledgeable and sympathetic teacher than his father had been.

He’d known it was wrong to talk to Javier; his father had forbidden it. But he’d been so desperate for a connection to someone, for attention that wasn’t resentment and anger, that he hadn’t been able to help himself.

Of course Mateo had found out, and when he had, he’d been furious. And he’d taken out his anger on Sebastián by telling him two secrets that he hadn’t known, flinging them in his face like knives.

Firstly, that Javier was his biological father. And secondly, that he’d killed his own mother. She’d died having him.

Then he’d rounded out his vindictive tirade by firing Javier on the spot, then accusing Sebastian of being as faithless and disloyal as his mother and his biological father.

Sebastián had had no answer to that. He’d felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest, as if Mateo had simultaneously given him something precious before taking it back in the most brutal way possible. And later, in the furious aftermath of the confrontation, watching from his bedroom window as Javier had walked away from the job he’d loved, all he’d been able to feel was the most intense sense of failure. That he’d failed his mother, that he’d failed Javier. And somehow, he’d felt as if he’d failed Mateo too.

When Mateo had died years later, he’d picked up the mantle of the dukedom, determined to make up for his failures, and marrying Emily had felt as if he was firmly putting them in the past. Yet...he’d ended up failing her, too.

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