“Did he hurt you? In the bedroom, I mean,” I whispered, fighting against my fury.
“Oh, um, no, not like that. Not the way you mean,” she said, and her cheeks turned red.
“Ellie,” I murmured.
“Um, Gary wasn’t m-my first,” she whispered, not looking at me.
Surprise followed by jealousy followed by relief slammed into me. The last bit took me completely by surprise.
I exhaled slowly. The idea of her with anyone else made me want to commit fucking murder, but there was another part of me.
A selfless part I didn’t even recognize since I so seldom saw it, that felt pure fucking joy that someone other than her piece of shit ex had had eased her into womanhood.
“I, um, lost it on prom weekend,” she added.
I closed my eyes trying not to picture beautiful teenaged Ellie losing her cherry to some fucking high school punk.
But still, I had to admit the image was better than her ex.
“Okay. Good. Keep going,” I growled.
“But I hadn’t been with anyone else until my wedding night. I never knew why he wanted to wait, but I understood soon after when we were on our honeymoon. Gary had a hard time, um, rising to the occasion. He said it was my fault. My soft body wasn’t appealing to him. And I was just always apologizing for it,” she said.
“Ellie,” I growled, but she shook her head.
“Just let me finish, okay? I have no misgivings about my body or how I look, and I am fine with it. This body gave me Sammy and I love it, I have to. Understand?”
I nodded. I couldn’t do anything but nod. I needed her to keep talking.
“But Gary went quiet on me after the pregnancy, then he started with the games. He would tell me I was this burden, that I was this princess that he had to take care of and how sick I made him. He made me feel like I was nothing. Like I needed to apologize for my existence. I-I don’t want to feel like that again. I can’t apologize to you for being human and?—”
“Ellie, no. Stop it,” I grunted. “Listen to me. I don’t know what I did to make you feel this way, but I am so fucking sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” she said, shaking her head, but the tears pricking her eyes made me feel so goddamn low.
“Yes. I clearly fucking do need to apologize, Lupina. You’re my wife. I never want you to have feelings like that. I never want to make you feel how he made you feel. Not fucking ever.”
“Andres, you don’t have to say things like that to me,” she said, shaking her head.
“Things like what?”
“Things that you would say to someone you actively pursued. Look, I know you only did this, married me, cause I asked you to. But why did you? I mean, really why did you marry me?”
“Don’t you know?” I growled in frustration.
“Andres?”
“Okay, you’ve obviously had a rough day, and I contributed to that, I own that, and I am so fucking sorry,” I growled, rubbing my hand over my face.
“Maybe on an intellectual level you knew Gary was a piece of shit, but inside you somewhere there is a piece of you that believes you deserved how he treated you, Ellie, and I won’t have it. Not in this house. Not in this marriage.”
“That’s not-t true,” she whispered, but I could see the wheels turning.
“Don’t finish that lie. Think about it for a second. You bought into some of the horseshit that fucking vermin spouted. But I'm here now and I'm telling you no more.”
Her eyes blinked slowly as she faced me, and I watched with quiet pride as she straightened her shoulders.
“You are not a puppy, Ellie Ramirez. You're not a mouse. You're not a doormat.”