Page 60 of His Wild Attraction

Andres was so smart. Well-educated. A genius at the company, I’d heard the wives and even their husbands praise him.

Would he care that I rarely attended actual school? That I preferred reading smut to reading the Wall Street Journal?

Shit. I felt so damn inadequate sometimes, but Andres seemed to instinctively feel my self-doubt growing, and he hugged me tighter.

I closed my eyes and saw images of my Dad. He was so much older than me.

He was a gruff man. Rarely smiled. And he preferred I stayed home.

I had nannies and tutors, stuff like that. I did attend a private school for a bit. Got to experience high school, went to prom.

But I only went to college for a semester. Didn’t even finish.

I went back and was just as happy to stay home as my father was to keep me there.

I didn’t realize what it was doing to me. What I was doing to myself. How it would hurt me in the end.

Inexperience and ignorance were the real enemies.

I was green as grass when I met Gary. I didn’t know what he was or recognize the signs.

Maybe I was broken.

And this next part was hard to admit, but my therapist helped me get there, and Andres made me feel brave enough to face it. So, hate the past or not, I had to own mine.

I didn’t know a damn thing about life when I married Gary. I traded the gilded cage my father built me for a crude one forged by a man who had no depth of feelings for anything other than himself.

Gary had some money, but most of it was loans. Stuff he owed. We used my trust fund to buy the condo where we lived after our wedding.

Where he still lived.

And I allowed it. I thought sure, I can pay, why not? We were married. It was okay. I hardly flinched when he insisted on things being a certain way.

Gary had a lot of quirks. Like how his laundry was to be put away and such, but thankfully, he wanted a service to do all that.

Still, I could have fought. Could have argued. But I didn’t. I just thought that was how things were in a marriage.

No, I did not blame myself for Gary’s abuse. But I could have been more proactive about protecting myself.

And I could have started when I was younger and under my father’s thumb.

The thing about it was I didn’t realize I was being manipulated by the men in my life who should have been supporting me to become all I could be.

Of course, now I knew better. With therapy, I learned to let go of what I couldn’t change, and to embrace my future. The future I chose.

With Andres and Sammy.

Leaving my horrible marriage and the relative security of Gary’s home was a rude, rough awakening for me. Moving into St. E’s, while much appreciated, was a lot different from the places I’d lived.

They had an outstanding staff, and with Meredith taking over and Josef’s company providing security, well, it was safer and better than ever.

But those first few weeks had been difficult.

Wrapping my head around the fact that I’d been hurt by the man who swore to love and honor me was stunning.

It was unbelievable.

I didn’t mourn Gary or my marriage. On the contrary, I rejoiced at my newfound freedom, and that was maybe the thing that made me feel the guiltiest.

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