Page 94 of Love Thief

James

We’ll stay away for now, but not ever. I love you Dad

Bucky

Luv u Dad.

The only survivor, my son. I feel the wetness again. I need oblivion. I get up and go to find Xander. He’s stayed with me, never left. I grab the whiskey, drink the bottle, grab the next one. I want oblivion. Why won’t it come? I need to go out, find someone who will have something to numb me. Maybe I’ll fuck it away, like I did last time.

I shout at Xan to get us to go out. I have no idea what day it is, what time it is. Maybe I’ll fuck Xander. Why not? At least he loves me. Unlike that bitch.

How could she love me? How could she, if she’s done this to me? I collapse on the floor, naked again. Someone—Mick, I think—picks me up and carries me back to bed.

Chapter

Twenty-Seven

EVIE

Istand, unmoving. I hear him like a wounded animal in the street. I close my eyes, but I just stand there, and stand. I think Jude moves me to sit, but I’m not sure, the whole house is silent. I sit there and say nothing. I don’t think I can. And, for once, the tears don’t come. I’m blank, the only word I can hear in my mind is Bridstones. Bridstones, Bridstones, Bridstones. Like a mantra, running on a loop.

What have I done? What has he done? We’ve pulled the heart and soul out of each other, screwed it up, chopped it into pieces, and thrown it on the floor to die a slow and painful death.

I take a stuttering breath in. I must have been holding it, I didn’t even notice. My brothers and Tommy are sitting, watching, making tea I think, maybe. Not saying a word. They don’t know what to say.

There is nothing to say, nothing to do, so I continue to sit. Maybe I can sit here until these babies are born, because in my heart, I know they will be. He is wrong, so very wrong.

I touch my children and I hear Jonno take a breath in. My eyes shift to his and I see the tears in them. It's the first movement I’ve made. He kneels in front of me, sweatpants in his hands. Tapping my ankles in turn, I move them like a robot obeying instruction. He runs them up my legs, pulls me up, and pushes them into position, covering me. He then gently lowers me back down again. I put my hands back onto my stomach, and sit facing forward, not saying anything at all.

Jude takes my hand from my sons and puts a mug of tea into it. “Drink,” he instructs.

It’s weak tea with sugar in it. I pull a face, but drink it down. I haven’t had sugar in tea for years—one new year’s resolution Jude and I stuck to. The only one, probably.

“Do you want to go to bed?” Jackson asks.

I shake my head. I don’t even know the time. “What time is it?”

“Nearly midnight,” Jonno answers.

I’ve been sitting for hours. Where did that time go?

I sit back and rest my head. Still no tears. My ducts must have gone on strike due to overwork and poor conditions. I hear a debate about James.

I hear a debate about who is staying up with me. The shifts are sorted and Jonno comes and sits with me, taking my hand in his. The other three all kiss my head and move to go to bed. I just sit. Maybe I’ll move, eventually.

Chapter

Twenty-Eight

MARCUS

I’m put on a plane. I hear the whole band discussing me. We’re going back to LA. Not sure who thought that was a good idea. I sit, drunk, and spew shit from my mouth. Anything I want to say, I say it. The festival tour in the UK and Europe has been cancelled. South America after Christmas is still amber. Not red yet, then. They must think there’s hope. I laugh, and it’s a dry hollow sound.

Xan is trying to get me to drink coffee. I just keep topping it up with whiskey. Marshall’s.

A picture hits my brain: Her running for that motorbike with my son. Setting off at a ridiculous speed, laughing at me. Wild, free, beautiful. “Fucking bitch,” I growl with utter contempt, as I open my eyes.

Texas smiles at me. They’re all waiting, like a pack of hyenas around a carcass. Waiting for the scraps. Waiting for me to fuck them all. I look at her, a gorgeous woman, eye fucking me, and not even a twitch from that thing in my pants.

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