Page 29 of Professor Obsessed

The darkness in me wanted nothing more than to take her up to my office and pound into her until her skin was dressed in the aftermath. I wanted to see her marked by me in every single way possible. I wanted to send her back down to her cubicle seeping my fucking essence out of her.

But I didn't do any of those things.

I deserved the torment I felt when I looked at her; she seemed happy. Better off without me weaving a path of destruction through her life, no matter what my intentions were.

I sat at my desk remembering our first time here. The mahogany work space’s leg had wobbled since that night. Another reminder of her. I pressed my palms against my eyes, so hard I worried they'd burst in their sockets. The black spots swam across my closed lids turning into shapes of Emma, shapes of us on my desk, in her bed, everywhere I took her.

Goddammit.

“Professor Lowe,” a soft voice whipped me out of my thoughts. My eyes snapped open to look at who stood in the doorway of my office.

Anna was there looking at me with concern, “I came by to give you these for your upcoming travel,” she stepped in setting a stack of papers on my desk, “you never responded to the email and we wanted to make sure you had what you needed.”

“Thank you, Anna,” I choked out. A tsunami of envy spread through my veins. Anna had access to Emma that I no longer did. It was painful to even look at her.

“Um,” she rocked back and forth on her ankles, her hands clasped in front of her until her knuckles turned a deeper shade on her already tanned complexion, “are you,” her eyes darted to the floor then back to me, “okay?”

Shit no.

“I’m doing well, thank you for asking.”

She must not have believed that given the way her eyes narrowed at me. She nodded and turned to leave the office. Anna was not my biggest fan, so I wasn’t even sure why she cared enough to ask. She stopped abruptly and turned back.

“She misses you too.”

Her voice was a murmur but her words rebounded through my mind, the false hope that I may still have a chance with Emma was more painful than anything.

Anna didn’t wait for a response, she turned on her heels and scurried back down to their floor.

The dam that had been holding back my emotions was on the verge of breaking. I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to stave off the inevitable.

26

EMMA

It was strange how the seasons changed without avail. How life seemed to move on when I felt frozen in time. The hot summer nights turned to cooler fall evenings as the sun set earlier, the days were shorter, and the nights were longer.

And I was still there on the sidewalk crying in Chase’s grip.

I was frozen there, living in delusion. Everyone moved on, like the pages of a book that never ended, it kept going. Time went on for everyone except me. I passed the sidewalk of our last conversation and could still see us there arguing, screaming and fighting while I cried. It was as if I was haunting that corner of campus, unable to move on, my body going along with time, but my vesselless soul still trapped in that moment.

I could still feel gravity holding me in that moment, the moment that my fantasy of passionate rendezvous shattered, collapsing in a mess of violence right in front of me. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. Chase and I were supposed to be together, he was my person, I could still see the look on his face as he begged me not to leave him.

And I still did.

The sky was darkening into shades of purple as the day turned to night. I felt like a phantom of my original self sitting in the grass at Point State Park. Right where we had our first official date.

Couples and families surrounded me, just like that day, and I sat and stared out at the point where the three rivers met. The Fort Pitt bridge was packed with evening traffic, some heading out of the city, others coming back home to it. Then me, sitting here after work getting lost in the happiest memories I ever had in all my life.

Chase had left earlier in the week for the conference he was attending, the one that officially brought us together. He wouldn't be back for a week. I knew he was thinking of me, but something held me back from accepting his advances, like if I did that, I'd be condoning all of the things he’d done. But God I wanted to.

My mind was plagued with the memories of his gentle touch when we went on lunch dates, of his firm grip on my throat when he was thrusting into me, the way he kissed me when we finished. Those images would splinter in the ugly truths of all the people he killed because of me. Dr. Murdock, Nate, the poor soul who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, all because of me. And all for what? I didn’t even end up with Chase.

I lugged my heavy body up off the ground. It was Friday evening and I had a date with a new romance novel that just came out. I had a couple errands to run before going home. I planned to walk to the bank, to withdraw the minuscule amount of money I did have to go grocery shopping, which pretty much meant getting cereal, milk, and some canned goods. Life was a struggle to exist, Chase had been sending me gifts and money but who knew how long that would last before he moved on, disposing of me. Making ends meet was harder than I remembered it being, I was one sick day away from my phone getting shut off.

The night cascaded around me as I made my way down fifth avenue to the bank that stood tall in the heart of the city, tightening my cardigan around my body as a fall breeze whipped around me. The bank would close in about fifteen minutes, which was enough time for me to get in and get out. I rounded the corner to the brightly lit sky rise. The whirlwind from the revolving doors blew my hair in wild tendrils around my face.

A blonde woman with red lipstick greeted me behind the counter as she chatted with her coworkers. The intricately designed vault that no doubt was only some of the money they stored here, towered behind them looking prestigious. The logo embedded into the metal made it look more decorative. I made my way to the ATM that was on the other side of the room. A few people were being helped and a couple waited in line for last minute transactions preparing for the weekend.

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