Page 57 of Sacrifice Bunt

“Don't be an ass.” Zara shook her head. “I think I need to call Noah.” She stood back up. “Is it okay if I use your back porch?” She needed privacy. She might tell her friends everything, but some things should be just between her and Noah.

“Yes. Go,” Celia said, practically shoving her towards the door.

The warm Arizona air hit her as soon as she walked outside. She toyed with her phone, thumbing over Noah's contact information. She gave herself one final pep talk before clicking on his number. There was no backing out now.

“Zara,” he answered, out of breath like maybe he'd been running.

“Is this a bad time?”

“No, it's a good time. Any time is a good time. I was just out for a run.”

That made sense. She knew he liked to run to burn off steam and to think.

“I'm sorry about today,” she said quietly.

“You don't have to be sorry. I just wish there was something I could say or do to help you understand that I don't want to pressure you. I just want to see you when I can. And talk to you in between those times.”

“I want those things too. I do. I think I just got overwhelmed with all of it. And the thought of me doing something that would turn you away from me...I don't know, it kind of just made me freak out.”

“You act like I haven't been watching you for years. I know your quirks. I know the good things and the bad things about you, and I still want to try to do this.”

“You're saying there are bad things about me?”

He laughed. “Actually, there aren't. There's nothing that you do or say that turns me away from you. That's just it. You think that when you get freaked out, or when your neurotic obsession to be in charge, or your lack of emotion— as you put it—comes out, it is going to make me not want you. That's not even remotely true. Those are all parts of who you are. What kind of person would I be if I left you high and dry all because you weren’t what people define as perfect? You know about my problems. You know I have panic attacks and you’re not using them as an excuse to leave. Why would I not give you the same respect and do the same for you?”

She heard everything he said, and he was right, But what really stood out was his mention of his panic attacks. “Have you had any more panic attacks since Arizona?”

“Nothing full-blown,” he said. “Keeping busy helps, and this will surprise you, but talking to you helps a lot. When I talk to you or when you're near, I'm somehow calm, and the panic never takes over.”

Of all the things she had to freak out about, that should be one of them. Knowing she helped keep him calm somehow calmed her. “I should have stayed. I wish I would have stayed.”

“Don't beat yourself up about it,” he said. “We have time. I'm not going anywhere. I told you that, and I meant it.”

She paced the back porch, about to say something she'd never said to another guy before. “I miss you. I just left you hours ago, and yet I miss you.”

He let out a breath that she could hear over the phone. “I miss you too. “It's not going to be easy to sleep in my bed tonight with the smell of you on the sheets. But, as luck would have it, I found a pair of your underwear in my living room, and I'm going to sleep with them under my pillow.”

“That’s disgusting.” She was smiling now, unable to stop herself.

“You think that's disgusting? I've had my mouth on your pussy, and you draw the line at me sleeping with your underwear?”

“Don't be crude.” Secretly she loved when he was crude.

“How are Hannah and Celia?” His question threw her off.

“How do you know I'm with Hannah and Celia?”

“I promise I'm not a stalker, but Heath told me you went to Arizona.”

“Stalker,” she joked.

“I'm glad you had them to go to when you needed someone to talk to.”

“If I had to guess, they're getting sick of talking to me about this, so they had no problem slapping some sense into me.”

“You don't strike me as a person who goes to other people for help a lot.”

“You're not wrong. I'm the person that people come to. I’m not used to being vulnerable. I think that's partly why this is so difficult for me.”

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