Page 43 of Sacrifice Bunt

She tried to find ways to blame this on him, to say that he’d pushed her. To find a way to make this his fault. Only it wasn't his fault. He was nice. He was fun. He made her feel good. His only mistake was existing in her world.

That he fucking existed was only wrong because she wanted him.

She both wanted him to disappear from her life and yet also to be there, day in and day out.

These were all things she thought about thirty or so times a day. She hadn't seen her friends or even her clients in days. Other than taking calls, handling problems, writing contracts, and trying to get new clients, she didn't do anything that would have her interacting with people face-to-face. If she went to dinner with her friends, she'd be forced to tell them all about Noah, and they'd read her like a book.

They'd know instantly that everything she said she didn't want was what she actually wanted.

Noah.

“I don’t want Noah.”

See, she could say it. No problem.

It might be a lie, but she could still say it.

Would her friends believe her if she sat across from them at dinner and told them that she did not want Noah? Doubtful. They’d call her on her bullshit, tell her to get on a plane and go see him.

God, did she want to get on a plane and go see him?

To walk into his hotel room, see his eyes go wide when he opened the door. To have him reach for her and then kiss her like she'd been away at war for the last four years.

Yeah, she was a fucking idiot.

Grabbing her phone, she texted Allana.

Allana was the one person who could gather the troops and help her figure out what she actually wanted or didn't want. Or, in this case, who she wanted or didn’t want.

See, she couldn't even figure it out for herself. She needed someone else to figure it out for her.

Zara:

I have a problem that requires as many people as possible to help me.

Alana:

Does this problem have to do with a guy?

Zara:

If you want to find out, gather everyone, pick a time soon, and I'll tell you.

Allana:

Give me a few minutes.

Zara put her phone down, dropped her head back on her desk, and sat there until her phone dinged five minutes later.

Allana:

Tonight, my house. Drinks (for those who aren't pregnant), and gossip. We'll figure out your life if it's the last thing we do.

As far as she knew, only Allana and Mae were currently pregnant. Although at the rate they were all getting married, there were sure to be more soon.

Zara was too afraid to send anything but a thumbs-up emoji and then she dropped her phone once again.

Celia knew, Hannah knew, and now everyone else was about to know how dumb she was being, how afraid she was of an actual relationship. And how much she liked Noah.

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