Page 8 of Omega's Bears

Chapter Five

I spend the next weekdoing my best to settle in. It’s challenging. So much of my new life is different from everything I knew before. But I sense, right away, that I can’t let the Hell’s Bears see how uncomfortable I am. The best thing I can do to ensure my survival in my new clan is to blend in as seamlessly as possible.

Part of that means adjusting to living in a cave. I’ve never slept outdoors in my life. Some of my old clanmates did from time to time, when they were camping or hunting, but I never went along on those trips. I’m used to my soft mattress, my warm comforter, and the soothing whirr of my ceiling fan. But life in the cave really couldn’t be more different.

As exhausted as I am, I didn’t get a wink of sleep the first night. Every time I rolled over on the hides that had been laid out for me, my hips and shoulders dug into the stone. It felts like I was being bruised whenever I moved. I finally forced myself to hold still, flat on my back, my head cushioned by a couple of folded skins. It’s sort of comfortable. I could get used to it. But I’m not anything like used to it yet.

Then there’s the fact that the others sleep so near me. Back with my old clan, the betas all slept together in a massive common room, but they had separate beds, cordoned off with curtains and room separators. Leo and Alessa had a room of their own since they were married, and because it wasn’t good for me to be around the others while I was in heat, I had my own room too. Here, though, we all sleep in the center of the cave, piled together for warmth. It’s not uncommon for me to wake up with a hand on my arm or an ankle crossed over mine, simply because of the way we all fall together and forget the boundary lines of our own bodies in the dark.

The one thing I adjust to very quickly is the sound of my fellow bears breathing in sleep. There’s something about it that’s very natural and comforting. It’s a deep, pleasant rumble that fills the cave and makes me feel safe and home and at peace. I marvel at it the first time I hear it. I used to think I was lucky to have my own bedroom, but now I can see that the betas probably considered themselves the lucky ones, back in Montana. They got to fall asleep to the reassuring sound of each other’s breathing every night, and I was the one left all alone.

During waking hours, to my surprise, I do have a section of the cave that’s mine alone. On my first day with the Hell’s Bears, Luka quietly helped me hang a curtain of hides, shielding one corner from the rest of the cave. He placed my backpack in the corner, smiled at me, and disappeared. There’s not enough room in the little cordoned off section to sleep, but I can change clothes or give myself a quick bath with one of my stolen washcloths. None of the others ever violate my privacy in that space. It’s a huge relief to be able to point to one little area of the world, no matter how tiny it may be, that still belongs to me.

I adapt to the Hell’s Bears’ routine very quickly. We’re up with the dawn each morning. Breakfast is jerky and fruit, and then the three men disappear until lunchtime. No one talks to me about any responsibilities I might have, so for the first two days, I don’t do anything during the morning hours, but on day three, I summon up my nerve and ask Jack if I could tend to the fire while they’re away.

He gives me a measured look. “Do you know how to do that?” he asks.

I’m on the verge of answering that, of course I do, but something stops me. If they come home from the hunt and I don’t have the fire under control, they’ll know I misrepresented my abilities. What’s more, I would have given myself away as a liar. Better to tell the truth now. “No,” I admit. “I’ve never done it before. But I’m a fast learner.”

Jack nods. “It isn’t a bad idea. I’ll have Ryan teach you tomorrow after dinner.”

Ryan. The idea of spending time with him is not appealing. We haven’t exchanged a word since I joined the clan, and although he’s stopped glowering at me all the time, he treats me like I don’t exist. This will be the first time we’ve been forced to confront each other. “Couldn’t you teach me instead?” I ask. “Or Luka?”

“No,” Jack says, eyebrows raised. “If you want to learn to do it right, you need Ryan. He’s the best fire builder in the clan. Besides, it will be good for the two of you to get to know each other a little better. This tension between you is a problem for the whole group.”

I know he’s right, but that doesn’t make me any more eager to spend time with Ryan. I know he’s not going to want to spend his time with me either. But Jack is the alpha. His decisions are ironclad. His word is law. And so, the next afternoon, when the men came back from hunting, I approached Ryan to ask about fire making lessons.

He’s sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, sharpening a knife against a rock. For a moment, it occurs to me to wonder why he has to do this—surely, they aren’t out hunting with knives?—but then I realize that when they bring their prey back to the den, they’re using knives to remove the hides and cut up the meat. I’ve never seen them do this. They don’t do it in the cave. I wouldn’t mind if I never had to watch it. It sounds macabre.

Ryan looks up as I walk over, but he doesn’t speak, and right away, I know this isn’t going to be easy. He wants nothing to do with me. It couldn’t be more obvious.

I clear my throat. “Hey, Ryan.”

Ryan grunts.

“I was talking to Jack, and...well, he thought it would be good if I learned how to build a fire.”

No answer.

“That way, I could have the place warm for you when you got back from hunting,” I try. “And we could be ready to cook. It would save everyone some time.”

“That isn’t why you want to do it,” Ryan says. “You want to keep the place warm while we’re out. You want to use our wood, our resources, heating the den when you’re the only one here.”

I’m stung. These are the first words Ryan has spoken to me since I joined the clan, and he’s using them to be divisive. He’s drawing a line between me and the others, putting me outside the group. Keeping me warm is a waste of resources, a waste of firewood. We live in a forest. We aren’t going to run out of wood. He just doesn’t want me to be included.

“It doesn’t matter if it helps me or not,” I say, finally summoning my voice again. “That isn’t a reason not to do it. It helps you too. It’s good for the whole clan if I know how to do things, like make fire.”

“You’re not part of this clan,” Ryan says.

You can’t get more blunt than that. “I am part of the clan,” I counter, although it takes every ounce of courage in me to argue with him. “There was a vote. By majority agreement, I’m in.”

Ryan shakes his head. “You’ve been here for three days,” he says. “That’s nothing. You’ve never been through a winter with us. You’ve never been hungry with us. You’ve never fought beside us. What are you to me?”

“I’m the woman who’s going to give you children,” I say.

He shakes his head. “The others, maybe. Not me. I still have the power to make my own choices, and I don’t need you.”

Frustration burns at me, and a huge part of me wants to just turn around and walk away from Ryan. No one has ever spoken to me like this before. In my old clan, everyone was kind and sweet and devoted to me. No one ever made me feel like I was making their life worse just by being around.

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