Page 34 of A Shadow of Betrayal

“Creed,” Lennox murmurs, eyeing me with disapproval. “He wouldn’t actually kill you, and you know that.” I snort and shake my head.

“No, he wouldn't kill you. But he will take me out the moment you aren’t there to keep him in line,” I tell him, ignoring the pain those words cause. “And he has every right to do it,” I add, pulling away from my brother as I walk down the hall toward the Ranger barracks. The need to find Meyer and talk to her is still as strong as ever, but I know I won’t be able to while Nox is standing next to me. I’ll have to find a way to get her alone.

“No. He won't. Razar forgave you for that. It’s in the past, Creed.”

“It's not. And he shouldn’t have to forgive me for that. I know I wouldn't if I was in his position,” I whisper, the self-loathing I try to keep at bay creeping in as I walk further away from Lennox.

“You forgave me,” Lennox points out, guilt heavy in his tone.

“Not the same, and you know it,” I snap. It was easy to forgive Nox. Besides, we are here trying to correct the mistake he made. There is no way for me to fix what I broke in Razar.

“This conversation isn't over, Creed,” he shouts but makes no move to follow me. He knows I need a few minutes alone, and as much as I hate him sometimes, he is also the only one who truly understands me. “You stay away from her, Creed. Am I understood? If I find out you went looking for her, I’ll be sure to take it out on the girl.”

I nod, letting him know I heard him as I slam my shoulder into the door at the end of the hall, letting it swing open on creaky hinges as I practically run down the hall. Leave it to fucking Nox to drop the one threat that will keep me away. And the problem is, I know he’s not lying. Nox will one hundred percent go after Meyer instead of me, knowing it would hurt me more if he did so.

I war with myself, finally slowing down as I stride through the dimly lit halls. Hating the need to go thank Meyer while feeling guilt over Raz and Archer. Nox offered to take the thoughts and feelings of them away. To wipe them from my mind so that I don't have to live with the pain it causes me on a daily basis. But I refused his offer. I deserve to feel this way, to know the agony that my poor choices made. I single-handedly tore my family apart, and even though Lennox was strong enough to pick up the pieces, I know we’ll never be the same again.

“Fuck,” I whisper, running a hand through my curly hair, tugging on the strands so hard that I wince in pain. I need to find Raz and apologize for my shitty comments, but I'll have to wait a few days, maybe even longer, so he doesn’t try to kill me. I know he hates me, and I know he still blames me for Archer’s death. But I also know that if he loses himself enough to kill me, he’ll regret it afterward, and I refuse to cause him any more pain.

“Tomorrow,” I tell myself as I stomp through the snow between the Castle and ranger barracks, making my way to my room, where I know a bottle of scotch is waiting for me. “It’s a problem I’ll deal with tomorrow.”

SEVENTEEN

Meyer

Moaning, I rub my eyes as the frigid chill of winter races across my skin, making the hairs on my arms stand on end as the wind howls around me, whistling in my ears as I turn in a slow circle.

I had gone to bed early, my body begging for relief after all the physical strain I endured today, and my mind confused after seeing Creed again. I wanted to talk to him, wanted to go over and ask if he was okay. But Razar pulled him from the room before I had the chance, and I couldn't find him after dinner. So I decided I would hunt him down tomorrow and followed Jordan back to the Ranger barracks, where I found a big black duffle full of my personal clothes and a few new additions sitting on my bunk.

I went to bed early, thinking I would try to get a good night's rest, but from the look of things, that won’t be happening.

“Why?” I groan, looking around the winter wonderland I’m standing in. “Why is it snowing in my dreams, and how the hell do I wake up?” I sigh and bring my hands down to rub my bare arms, glaring at the flowing blue fabric of my dress. “Why a dress?” I grumble out loud as I turn in a circle, my toes curling in the weird silk slippers I have on my feet. Unfortunately, they do little to protect against the cold of the winter storm, and I curse as I look for a safe spot to take shelter.

I know this is a dream; the odd vertigo feeling at the edge of my vision is a dead giveaway. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I can't get hurt here. I learned that the hard way when I stumbled upon one of the soulless Demons that put those scars on my back all those years ago. For the most part, the dreams I have are relatively harmless. If I can find shelter, I can weather it out until I physically wake up. It's when I can't find shelter, when there is nowhere to hide, that the nightmares come to play.

“Demons, not nightmares,” I correct myself as I attempt to shake the feeling of someone watching me as I look around again, trying to memorize my surroundings. This is the second time I've been here, and I need to figure everything out now, just in case I'm not alone the next time I come back.

I squint my eyes and move toward a large tree with low-hanging branches that would do the trick to keep me out of sight. It sits across the small flat plain of snow I'm standing in, and I grimace at the drifting snow I'm going to have to get through before I can hide.

There are smaller pine trees everywhere, and it looks like I might be on the mountain that the Castle is on, but I haven't seen this part before. To be fair, I haven't really gone outside much in the short time I have been here. But I have looked out almost every window that I have walked past, and nothing I see in my dream is similar to anything I have seen looking from the towering heights of the Castle.

Everything feels so real. The snow that pelts my warm skin melts as soon as it makes contact, and I can feel the wind cut through the thin fabric of the dress I'm wearing as I trudge through the deep snow.

“At least there is no creepy voice talking to me this time,” I mutter under my breath as my shoes become wet. “Could be worse. Glass half full, Meyer,” I whisper, giving myself a mental pep talk. I bunch the ridiculous amount of blue fabric draped around me and hike it up so that I can stomp through the snow at a quicker pace. Then I tuck my head down and keep my gaze on my feet as I move, not wanting to fall down. After walking for what feels like an eternity, I glance up, ignoring how my fingers have started going numb as I look for the large tree.

“What the hell?” I mutter, pulling up short when I see the big tree. It's still in front of me, but it looks almost further away than it had been before, and I know I have walked a good distance. I look behind me, watching as the wind slowly fills in my footsteps, and I shake my head.

“This doesn't make sense.” A chill races down my spine, and I bite the inside of my cheek, walking around a particularly large boulder to my right and picking up my pace as the storm slowly worsens around me. A low howl sounds in the distance, and I let my eyes fall shut. This isn't good.

Another howl echoes through the air, answering the first, then another, and another. “Shit, shit, shit!” I need to find shelter. The last thing I need is a Demon finding me, and the snow is really piling up. I gasp when the fabric of my dress catches on one of the small trees, and I kick at the damn branch.

“Stupid snow, stupid dress, and stupid useless little tree!” I snarl at the tree, losing my temper and probably looking like a fool, as I kick the poor thing. Thankfully, I’m alone, and no one can see me unraveling like this. I pause at that thought and look around me, the feeling of eyes on me still lingering in the air. “No one is here. You're just going crazy,” I tell myself.

I tear my dress free and push the hair that has fallen in my eyes out of the way. “Stupid dreams,” I whisper, looking up, then shake my head and tilt it to the side in confusion. The tree I've been heading towards is closer than it had been, but now there is a second one next to it.

“Right, well, I guess two trees are better than one?” I mutter, hiking my dress up even further so that it doesn't catch on anything else as I make my way across the snow-covered landscape. “Pretty sure there was only one tree, but you know what? I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.” More trees equal more shelter and a bigger area to hide in if needed.

I almost feel optimistic about this situation, which should be my first warning that everything is about to go completely wrong. On my next step, the small shoe that I've been wearing gets stuck in the snow, and I curse when it slips completely off my foot.

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