Page 172 of A Sky Full Of Stars

I will never take these little moments for granted. Having someone to unpack my day with is not something I ever thought about, but it makes a huge difference to my life. To Lainey’s life. Rather than bottling things up—a trait we both seem to have inherited—we now share everything. The good, the bad, the boring little details that no one else would ever care about. We never let a day go by without touching base, no matter where we are. Whether I’m playing a preseason game out of town, or Lainey’s working late at the speakeasy,we always check in, even if it’s as simple as a message to say, “I’m okay.”

Lainey’s entire face lights up when she tells me about Bailey nailing a new move she’d been struggling with, and it hits me. When Lainey talks about Bailey, her facealwayslights up. There’s a special air about her.

“What is it about working with Bailey that you prefer over teaching the younger girls?” I ask as I settle into bed, reaching for her hand when she slides under the covers. “Is it her age or something else?”

Lainey spins to face me, frowning as she sits up. “I love teaching Katie and Addie.”

“I know.” I chuckle, reaching up to rub the worry lines between her brows. “No one is questioning that. I just see something ignite in you when you work with Bailey…when you talk about her. I can’t explain it.” Her puzzled expression deepens, making me laugh again. “Never mind.” I run my thumb along her cheek. “Maybe it’s just me.”

“Maybe, or maybe I just haven’t noticed.” She shrugs before lying back down and getting comfortable, wriggling until she fits perfectly beside me, both of us facing the window that leads out to the roof.

“Are you still catching up with Summer tomorrow?” Lainey asks after we’ve been quiet for a beat. “Do you want me to come?”

“I am, and thank you, but I’ll be okay.”

After a few months of therapy, it’s time to talk to Summer about everything that’s been going on. I held back for a while, worried she’d take on some of the guilt, but I’m finally taking the plunge, knowing that she’ll be more devastated if I keep it to myself. Especially since I’m considering speaking about it publicly, using my story to raise awareness for others.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Lainey says, repositioning herself with her head on my chest. “And your relationship will only get stronger because of it.”

Just like she said she would, Lainey has been there for me every step of the way since the moment she first uttered the word “depression,” and despite her constantly telling me otherwise, I couldn’t do it without her. It hasn’t been an easy road, with acceptance being one of the hardest things to work through, but I’m getting there. Life is definitely looking brighter.

And it’s all thanks to shining star beside me. To Lainey.

“Depression?” Summer gasps as her hand flies to her mouth, the tears that were already welling in her eyes now falling down her cheeks. “All this time?” she asks.

I take a sip of my water and nod. While I’d been nervous about what I was going to say today, the second I sat down on her couch and admitted my first truth, it started flowing. I told Summer about my thoughts and feelings, about faking relationships so that I didn’t feel like such an outsider, about my guilt. I even admitted to the anger I felt when she left.

With tears in her eyes, Summer listened, only speaking when I finally told her about my depression.

“I think I’ve had it since I was a teenager,” I admit, though that’s something I’m still working through. After talking to my therapist, I realized I’ve had a darkness inside me for a while; I just always found ways of distracting myself.

“How did I miss that? I should have known.” Summer wipes at her eyes as panic takes over her. The same panic I felt when I realized I should have seen the signs of her abuse.

“I hid it. From you. From my friends. From myself. I never thought I had a reason to feel down, so I locked the feelings away. I didn’t have physical scars for you to notice. Not like—”

“Nope.” She shakes her head. “We are not going there again. I did the same. I hid my pain just like you did.”

“Imagine how different our lives would be if we’d spoken to each other,” I say, reflecting on what could have been.

“Some things may have been better, sure, but we may not have had the same relationships with Dylan and Lainey, and I for one wouldn’t change that.” Summer smiles softly, and I huff out a laugh.

“You’re right. There’s me looking at the negatives again. I’m working on it.”

“So you’re seeing someone?”

“I am. And she’s been amazing.”

Summer’s lips pull into a smile, and she squeezes my leg. “And Lainey?”

“Is a godsend. I’d still be a mess without her.”

“You know I once said she should be a therapist,” Summer says thoughtfully, and I smile, picturing Lainey’s face on hearing that.

“I bet she laughed at you. She doesn’t think highly of the way she handled things when we were together years ago. Not that I did any better. We were both in a bad place.”

“She still wanted to help you. At the end of the day, she’s got a caring nature.”

“She does,” I agree. “And who knows, maybe there’s something in that.” I’m quiet as I store that thought away and turn to Summer. “Back to us… I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.I should have brought this all up years ago. I should have told you how I’d been feel—”

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