Page 145 of A Sky Full Of Stars

Before he’d arrived, I was adamant I wasn’t going to dance, much to Shauna’s hidden disappointment. But the second Thomas walked through the door, my eyes sought him out across the room, and his expression of awe lit a spark inside of me.

Without a single exchange passing between us, Thomas instilled a confidence in me that had been missing for so long, I assumed it was gone. Yet suddenly, I wanted to dance more than I wanted my next breath. But only because I wanted to dance for him. For Thomas.

With the lights dimmed in the crowd and the bright glow of the stage, I couldn’t see Thomas as I danced. For all I knew he might have walked out the second I stepped onto the stage, but in my mind, we’d been the only two people in the room.

And because of that, it throws me a little when the man in front of me mentions my performance.

“I’m done for the night,” I say as I wipe down the counter, doing anything I can to distract myself. “But I’ll be on the dance floor in an hour.”

The hot guy’s eyes light up, and a sexy grin graces his face. “I’ll be there. Maybe we can dance?”

I nod, and after I make his drink, he walks away, raising his glass as he goes. You’d think I’d be excited about the prospect of dancing with a guy like that, but these days, I feel nothing. I probably should have asked Shauna if I could skip the part of my job that required me to dance with the clients, but that usually brings in the most tips, and at the end of the day, this is a job, and I’m here to make money.

On top of that, I love being here. I love dancing with strangers and being able to move my body without standing in the spotlight. I’m aware there are people coming here with ill intentions, but most of our clientele are only here to have fun, and in this environment, I’m always up for a good time. The only part of this job that’s recently concerned me was the stage, but a little part of me feels like I just conquered that. Question is…am I ready to do it again?

An hour goes by, and while I’m constantly searching, I don’t see Thomas at all, and I’m nervous about what that means. While he may very well be doing as I asked and keeping to himself until I finish, there’s also the possibility that he left…and for the first time in a while, the prospect of seeing him doesn’t make me nervous.

“Are you ready to dance again?” my friend Malory says as she comes to take over the bar. We rotate between here and the dance floor when not on the stage, and my bar shift has come to an end.

“I am,” I say, and it’s not a lie. Before my time volunteering, I couldn’t even step foot on the dance floor. It was the furthest thing from comfortable to me, but I grew a lot while I was away and finally took back my life. Instead of associating dance with my negative time at Jaiton, I put a positive spin on it. When I’d performed mostly naked in my final, I’d made that choice, and with that choice came a certain level of power that I hadn’t really understood until recently. To a degree, I felt proud of myself for standing up to my bullies, but I hadn’t really processed what that meant.

Until I was so far removed from my past that I finally had time to reflect on it. While volunteering. While traveling the world and finding the beauty in it.

That’s what I did that day. I stood up to my bullies.

I hit back and I won. It just took me a long time to realize that.

And now, that power runs through my veins.

“Go,” Malory says, her sisterly smile always giving me warmth. “I’ve got it covered here. You deserve your time to shine, and there are quite a few hotties out there tonight. Maybe you can find someone to take home.”

I laugh as I remove my half apron and walk away. I’ve never once taken a guy home, but tonight may be different, because at the very least, I know Thomas and I are going to the same place.

Once backstage in our dressing room, I search through my outfits to find the perfect one. Our time on the dance floor is designed to keep the clientele happy, so I usually wear my sexier outfits, but today feels different. I’m not embarrassed at all. I don’t care if Thomas sees what I do. But I’m not ready to have him look at me differently. I don’t want him to think about my body.

It took me too long to notice it last time, but our relationship centered around the physical, and while I may dance half-naked, I’m stilljust Lainey. The quiet girl he met when I was a kid, the girl with dreams who grew up to discover that life was actually pretty tainted. The girl who’s now making the most of what she’s got and trying to find her place in the world. The woman who loved Thomas with all her heart but refuses to let that love take over again. For either of us.

I’m lost in thought when the guy from earlier approaches me, spinning me into his hold as soon as I reach the edge of the dance floor. “Havana,” by Camila Cabello comes on as we push through the wave of bodies, and I smile wide. It’s one of my favorite songs to dance to, and I love losing my mind to the rhythm.

At least, I normally do.

But no matter how well this guy can dance, and my God is he amazing, I can’t relax. I’ve felt eyes on me from the moment I started swaying my hips, and I know it’s Thomas. He’s close. And he has my heart racing as he holds it in his hands, keeping it hostage while he figures himself out.

I raise my arms above my head when the guy grabs my hips, trying to let the tension go. But when he spins me around and dips me back, suddenly Thomas is in my direct line of sight, and he’s closer than I thought.

Our eyes lock, and the smallest of smirks pulls at his lips as he arches a brow.

My dance partner lifts me back up until he’s all I can see, and yet, the image of Thomas, dancing flush with another woman, is burned into my mind.

I swallow a lump in my throat and continue to dance, but my movements suffer. While before it came naturally, now I’m conscious of every touch, every expression, every sway. I’m not doing this to make Thomas jealous, and from the small glimpses I see, I can tell Thomas feels the same. This is my job, and he’s respecting that—like when he told me about Lucy and Katie—he just…understands.

As the song progresses, we both sneak glances at each other, the heat in his eyes doing nothing to quell the fire that burns inside of me. The sparks that have only ever existed for him. I should be immune by now; we’ve been there before and failed. But tell that to my heart as it races in anticipation, my blood pumping so hard, I can feel it pulsing through my body.

The second the song ends, Thomas whispers something to the woman he’s with before nodding in a half bow. She giggles like she’s smitten, but as soon as he turns away, she moves on to someone else.

And that’s the way this world works.

People move around like a game of musical chairs, and when the night ends and the music stops, that’s often who they go home with.

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