Page 115 of A Sky Full Of Stars

“Forhers.”

My head rears back as though he just punched me in the jaw. “What does that mean?”

“Think about it, Thomas.Reallythink about it. Are you planning a long distance relationship? Do you love her?”

Ignoring the latter, I answer the easier question first. “I’ve been managing to fly here quite easily and—”

“I mean, while she’s away. Have you forgotten about Thailand or Bali or wherever it is she’s going?”

“No, of course not.”But I trynotto think about it.

“Good,” he snaps. “Because if you really care for her, you’ll get your shit together before…” He trails off, groaning.

“Beforewhat?”

With his teeth clenched, he stares at me as though he wants to say something but then shakes his head again, blowing out a breath. “Before she goes. Get your shit together before she goes.”

Right. “Thank you for the advice.”

Taking a wider berth than last time, I dodge Nate and head to the kitchen, opening the cabinet to grab something to drink. I’ve just found it empty when Nate growls behind me. “Are you kidding me, Kelly? This is not getting your shit together. And I moved my stash when I realized how often you were raiding it.”

“I always pay you back. You know I’m good for it.”

“It’s not about the money.”

“Then what’s it about?”

“Lainey’s going to stay!” he snaps, and I quickly check to make sure Jack’s gone. “Don’t worry about him. You have bigger issues. Lainey’s so concerned about you. Aboutthis.” He points to the open cabinet. “She’s going to stay.”

“Stay? Stay where?”

“Here. In America. Foryou.”

Before the last of his words are even out of his mouth, I figure out what he’s trying to say, and for the briefest of seconds everything feels right in the world. Until I realize it shouldn’t.

Fuck.A tightness works its way into my chest, squeezing my lungs so firmly I have to suck in a deep breath to get air.Lainey’s going to stay. For me. And I felt relieved.Jesus. She needs this trip more than anything, but she’s going to stay.

Before I realize what I’m doing, I open another cupboard and reach for a cheap bottle of bourbon, the one the guys keep as a last resort, needing something to settle the crippling pain in my stomach. And it’s that moment, as the liquid makes its way down my throat, that I know I’m fucked. I know I’m falling for Lainey; I’ve been falling for a while. But that doesn’t change the fact that just like the alcohol, I’m using her like a crutch. Like a Band-Aid for my problems. And what’s most important is that I think she’s using me too.

I can’t let her do that. I can’t let her stay.

Despite finding out that Luke won’t be back until the afternoon, I ask Lainey to meet me somewhere else. But after giving our situation some thought as I lay awake last night, I’m no longer convinced our secrets were ever about him. I think we were using him to hold back. To hide away from the world.

And as if providing me with proof of that, Lainey refuses my request.

LLS: You shouldn’t be driving. And I told you last night. I don’t care if Luke knows. I’m beyond caring.

An hour later, she arrives at the Ball House with a calm demeanor and a smile. But she’s not convincing anyone of her feelings. I can see straight through her facade, and I know I’m the cause of it.

“I’m sorry about last night, or rather this morning. I was a dick and—”

“It’s fine. I get it. You were trying to do the right thing; you just worded it the wrong way.”

“Even so. It was a shitty thing to say. I didn’t mean it the way I think you took it.”

“But it’s the truth, isn’t it? We haven’t defined this. You live in another state. It’s all justfucking, right? It’s not worth it. It’s not like we go out on dates.”

“We danced under the fucking stars,” I snap but instantly regret it. I’m not supposed to be making this bigger than it is. I’m supposed to be convincing her to leave. “I’m sorry. It was never just fucking to me, but Lainey…” I trail off, emotion rising in my throat until I swallow it back down. “But Lainey,” I repeat. “You were right about one thing. I’m not okay. And if I keep going down this path, I’m going to hurt you more than I already have.”

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