Page 167 of A Sky Full Of Stars

Joel says goodbye, and the second he’s gone, I turn to Thomas. “I get it,” I say, pulling him into a side hug, careful not to squish Josh who giggles at the movement.

Thomas huffs out a laugh. “You do get used to it.”

“Yeah, but…” I can’t even imagine how he felt, thinking he was alone and having to watch how close this group was.

“At least we have each other, right?” he asks, his brows high in question.

“Yes.” I giggle, pressing my lips to his cheek. “We definitely have that.”

When Summer and Dylan get home around nine p.m., I miraculously have Josh tucked up in bed. From Summer’s giddy expression, I can tell she wants to talk, but thankfully, Dylan drags her away, telling me she needs to rest. And I’m not going to argue.

Thomas stayed with me for the rest of the day, playing with Josh, showing me the happy, fun-loving uncle side of him that I’ve seen before with Katie.

Not once did he frown while he was with us, but when I lifted Josh into my arms to take him to bed, the smile momentarily dropped.

As I got Josh ready, Thomas went out for a walk, and I hate that a little part of me questioned if I could trust him. If I could believe he wasn’t out searching for a drink, or going back on everything he told me. We’ve got a long way to go, but we’ve started the conversation, and I think that’s a step in the right direction.

After what felt like the longest and most emotional day, I’ve just stepped into the pool house and dropped my back against the door when someone knocks, and I don’t have to ask to know that it’s Thomas. A warmth runs through me at getting to see him again, but I’m still worried about what I’ll find on the other side of the threshold.

“Hi,” I say, opening up with a smile, holding the door wide as I gesture for him to come in.

Thomas takes a deep breath and steps past before turning to face me, a serious expression marking his features. “I think I have depression,” he says, and my heart shatters for him, the broken shards scratching me from the inside, helping me to feel his pain. And I don’t even think that’s half of what he feels.

Thomas grabs my hand, leading me to the couch before sitting down beside me, and I want to say something, but I can tell by his expression that he’s not finished. “I called Joel when you were reading to Josh earlier, and… Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” My face falls, though I’m not sure what he thought I was doing in the first place.

“Like I just saved a kitten from a burning building. Like I’m a hero.”

Oh. That. I imagine my expression reads just like his did for me this morning. When I told him my truth.

“I’m looking at you like that because I feel that way. Because I’m proud of you. Because for the first time in forever, you spoke to someone about what you were feeling.”

“I speak to you.”

“Someone other than me. A trained professional. A friend.” Summer mentioned that Joel was a child psychologist, so while he’s not exactly the right person for Thomas to speak to, he was definitely the best choice.

“Fuck, that was hard.” Thomas runs his hand down his face, and I can see the stress in his expression. “And I feel guilty thinking about it. What right do I have to be depressed with my life? I have it easy and—”

“It doesn’t work that way, Thomas.” He shakes his head while I’m speaking, and I lift to my knees, shuffling closer. “You should never feel guilty about how you feel. Especially for this. Depression doesn’t discriminate. It can affect anyone, and I’ll guarantee it affects more people than you think. People with lives perceivably better than yours. It’s just not talked about enough.”

Thomas’s brows furrow as a puzzled expression mars his features. “Joel said the same. Why the hell didn’t I talk about how I felt? I could have saved us both a lot of heartache.”

“I thought you said you don’t regret the decision to push me away.”

“I don’t. But if I’d known, maybe I could have contacted you sooner, texted you back.”

“Thomas.” I grab his face in my hands as I slide into his lap, just like I did in his truck. His hands automatically wrap around my waist, and for a moment, we just stare into each other’s eyes.

“No more thinking about the past,” I whisper, holding his gaze. “Except for the good parts. Like—”

“Dancing in the rain,” he finishes for me, almost smiling.

“Yes, and messed-up song lyrics, romance novels that don’t have happy endings, laughs, smiles, kisses that mean everything, the connection we have and have had since the first night you stepped into my room.”

Thomas finally chuckles, but while it’s soft, relief hits me. “Thank you,” he whispers, his fingers tightening on my back. “Without you, I wouldn’t have taken the step to talk to Joel.There wouldn’t be new hope floating inside me. With so many reasons to stay away, you’re still here. And I need you to know that I never want to live without you again. I’m in love with you, Lainey. I’ve been in love with you since I was eighteen, and I don’t want to hold back anymore. You are my one. It’s always been you, and I plan to spend the rest of my life making up for lost time.”

My heart jolts as though he’s squeezing it with each declaration, or putting the broken pieces back together, bringing me to life with his words. It’s always been him too, from the moment I first saw him. And I wish I’d known how monumental that moment was, as I’d hung upside down, my heart skipping for the first time.

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