Page 135 of A Sky Full Of Stars

“Of course I knew. Did you honestly think you were hiding it?”Yes. No. I don’t know.

“I knew about you,” he repeats, cementing my embarrassment, “but Ididn’tknow Thomas knew, or that he felt the same.”

“He didn’t,” I rush to reassure him. “Not back then.”

“Tinker Bell.Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell.You are delusional. That man has been in love with you since before you went to New York.”

Huh?My heart races at the mere idea of that, but I know it’s not true. “That’s bullshit. You just said you didn’t know—”

“I didn’t knowback then, but I knownow.”

My lips thin as I stare him down, a nauseous feeling settling in my stomach. I want to yell at him. I want to call him all the names under the sun, maybe even choose violence. God knows, he deserves it. But when I open my mouth to speak, my words come out in a broken whisper.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Luke’s face drops along with his shoulders before he curses again, this time under his breath. “Fuck, Lainey. You were happy, and I thought that seeing Thomas again would only add to that. I figured enough time had passed for you to both be okay.”

“He never called,” I whisper to myself but immediately regret it.

“What?”

I shake my head. That’s not something I should be discussing with Luke. That’s a Thomas and Lainey problem. “Never mind. I just wish you’d have said something.” I wish I hadn’t been blindsided.

I briefly close my eyes before turning away and walking to my room, needing some time to myself. A moment to process everything that’s happened today. Seeing Thomas was one thing; finding out that my brother knew all along is a completely different slap in the face.

I’ve just reached my door handle when Luke calls out, bringing me to a stop. “He did itallfor you, Lainey.Everything.”

Without looking his way, I step inside my room and let the words sink in, my mind whirring as they flow through my body, making their way to my heart before wrapping around the organ like a bandage. Covering the hole I knew was there but always ignored.

For four years, I waited for a response. Fourfuckingyears. I knew Thomas was more messed up than I was. I knew he’d probably need double the time that I did. But I never expected him to ghost me. That thought never occurred to me. I’m not going to pretend I moved on, because I’ve tried and failed to lie to myself many times before. But I was finally in a place where I could picture my life with someone else. I wasopento moving on. At least, I was open to that being a possibility…if a spark ever presented itself.

But now—now I’m messed up all over again.

Chapter Forty-Five

Thomas

After seeing Lainey for the first time in six years, it didn’t take long for the deep-seated guilt to take over from the short-lived happiness. The look on her face when I slipped up about Luke, and the hurt in her tone, was enough to shatter any of the small albeit misconceived notions I had that there was a chance our reunion would be positive.

I broke us. I know that. She reached out years ago and I never responded. How could I possibly have expected her to react any differently? I knew it wouldn’t be all sunshine and rainbows, but what I didn’t see coming was how easily she believed I’d moved on—how quick she was to think I hadn’t wanted to get in touch.

Luke said she was happy, but throughout our entire exchange, she never once smiled brightly, and that’s fucking with my head.

For the next couple of weeks, I work hard to keep my shit together, and while I’m in Seattle, I somehow succeed, managing to keep myself distracted by packing up my apartment. But the second I’m back in San Francisco, well, that’s another story.

Itrip as I make my way out of the bar, my body slamming into the balcony railing, my head hitting the wood. “Shit.”

My fists clench before I grab my head, checking for blood while willing the throbbing to stop. I tried hard to drown my sorrows, but even after a few hours of solid drinking, nothing seemed to numb the pain…the regret…the guilt. I keep hurting people. Even when I try to do right, it’s so fucking wrong, and I have no idea what else I’m meant to do.

When my hand comes away dry, I reach for my phone, squinting to concentrate on the screen, my mind going in and out of focus as I try to see through the blur.

I want to call Lainey…beg her for forgiveness…convince her I’ll change. But since I’m struggling to see straight and can’t still my mind long enough to think, I’m not sure now’s the right time. I’m a case study for men she should stay away from, and she deserves better.

I sway as I walk down the stairs, trying to ignore the whispers as people move around me, my vision clouding as I stumble.

I need to get home, and there’s only one person, other than Lainey, that I could possibly call.

After attempting but failing to locate his contact, I groan and press the voice button, holding it to my mouth. Making a decision I hope I don’t regret, I manage to mumble“Call Nate”before dropping to my knees on the pavement, the pain not even registering as I fall in a heap.

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