Page 73 of Loved By You

My body is shaking and I clench my fists so tight they go numb. “You’ve never been there for us, Mom, never. I really needed you this year. I called, I texted. I even wrote a fucking card telling you my new address and asking you to visit. But you didn't, and then you show up on my daughter’s birthday like this,” I say, gesturing at her state of her.

Hot tears prick my eyes, my chest tightening. A wave of panic cursing through me.Am I really saying all this?

“I can’t have you in my life anymore, Mom. You've done it this time. I've forgiven you for so much. I forgave you for all the times you forgot to pick me up from school, the times you left me for days on end with nothing more than a fridge full of leftovers.” I feel my voice breaking; I close my eyes, mustering up all the strength I have to say the next part. “And I forgave you for what you let that disgusting bastard do to me. I forgave you when I got sent to foster care, but I wish…”

I stop, feeling my breathing becoming erratic. It's making me dizzy. I take in a breath and release it shakily.

“God, I fucking wish you never got me back. I wish you left me in that foster home. I had no home with you. You ruined it.”

The look my mother gives me is like a knife to the heart. There's no love, just disgust. Her lip curls up and she sneers.

“You selfish, ungrateful little bitch. I did the best I could. I might not have been a perfect mother, but at least I didn’t walk out on you like your deadbeat father,” she spits.

I sniff, wiping the tears I hadn't realized were free falling down my face. “I wish you had, Mom. It would have saved me so much hurt. I just wished you loved me as much as you loved getting your highs.”

We stand there, an unsettling silence surrounding us as we stare at each other, knowing this is it. Unless she truly changes, I can’t have my mom in my life anymore. She brings out the worst feelings in me and I’ve spent too long healing for her to ruin it all.

I say a silent prayer that this will be the moment, the turning point in our relationship, where she will take me in her arms and hold me and be the mom I have longed for.

But she doesn't. Instead, she turns and without a word she leaves, walking out of my life for what will probably be the last time. I hear her shout for Sid and my backyard gate slam, and that’s it, she’s gone.

I can’t let myself fall apart, not yet. Everyone enters the kitchen and Jack gives them a nod, letting them know they should go. Once we’re alone, I give in and I crumple to the floor, landing on the shards of broken glass that cut into my legs, but I welcome the pain. I let out the sobs I had been fighting to keep in. Jack sits, holding me as I let out what feels like a lifetime of pain. I haven’t let myself cry like this, and finally, I give in and let all my bottled tears flow. Tears for the mother-daughter relationship I'll never have, tears for my failed marriage, and tears for the younger me who only wanted to feel loved and wanted as the man I am falling for holds me so tightly, giving me hope, that maybe, not everyone leaves.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Jack

I don’t know how long we stay on the kitchen floor. Seeing Ria fall apart like this has to be the most gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever witnessed. Even the things I experienced out at war don't compare to the pain of watching someone you love fall apart when there is nothing you can do but just stand by them.

Her breathing starts to even out and her body relaxes a little in my arms. I press a kiss to her forehead and slowly rock her. “I'm here, sweetheart. Just tell me what I can do to make it better,” I whisper.

“This, just do this.” I have so many questions. But I don't want to push her. I knew her childhood was messed up but, I didn’t know everything. The idea of some asshole hurting my girl breaks me in two. I want to find him and tear him limb from limb. I was fortunate enough to have two loving parents whodoted on me. The idea of a parent walking out on their kids or mistreating them is unimaginable.

We sit in silence with only the hum of the refrigerator filling the room. I almost miss her words. She’s so quiet.

“She let him touch me.”

I stiffen and I knew she wouldn't have missed it. Blood runs cold through my body.

I clear my throat. “Who?” I ask, trying to keep my tone as calm as possible.

“Her boyfriend, Greg. He started dating my mom when you and Noah left for the Marines. It started with some comments, a grope of my ass and I told her. I told her he made me feel uncomfortable, that he would rub up against me when he walked past me, would ‘accidentally’ walk in on me in the bathroom. But she told me I was being stupid. Why would he do that when he had her? So I didn’t say anything again.

She wipes the tears that haven't stopped flowing down her cheeks.

“I used to sleep with my desk pushed up against my door. In case he tried to come in.”

I grit my teeth so hard I’m surprised my teeth don't crack. But I say nothing. I just let her open up. This is hard to hear, but it’s harder for her to share.

“He stayed over most nights and one night my mom was at a party with some girlfriends, I came out of my room to get a drink and he was drunk in front of the TV, he…” She stops, her voice breaking, and she starts to shake.

“It’s okay. I’m here, you're safe.”

“He tried to force himself on me, and my mom came home and found him on top of me, trying to unfasten my jeans She dragged him off me and I ran to my neighbor’s house and called the cops. I got taken into foster care and mom kicked Greg out, but it took months till she got me back.”

“And that’s why Noah took leave after basic training finished?”

“Yeah, he tried to get custody of me so I didn't have to live with her, but the judge ruled in her favor;, she proved she was capable of looking after me and Greg went to prison for a few years and then got let out for good behavior,” she scoffs “but with the agreement that he went to a rehab for his drinking”

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