Page 82 of Tame Me

‘He hasn’t smiled before. This is his first smile.’

‘Really?’ I look back at Lukas then back at her and back again, and again.

‘First social smile.’ She nods. ‘Happens between eight and twelve weeks and here he is...smiling at you.’

There are tears in her eyes and she’s so effervescent there’s no way she’s faking this. I talk more nonsense to Lukas because it just bubbles out of me and he smiles again and Taliabeams.

A chuckle escapes me. I want to do anything. Everything. I feel utterly alive—I want to keep them both with me and have them happy but in the same breath I feel a sudden helpless futility. Because this is something I can’t ensure. I couldn’t help my parents’ happiness. Nor my grandfather’s. I don’t think I can do happy families. It goes wrong—it never lasts.

But I’m beginning to get her. She’s done everything for herself—and her sister—for years. She’s so determinedly independent I know the reasons why she doesn’t want to rely on anyone are deep-seated. She’s been let down before.

So I’ll try to do whatever it takes to make sure she can’t walk out on me again. Because I want this to work for Lukas. Somehow I need her to trust me. I need her to talk to me. Talia’s withholding of information wasn’t just about protecting Ava. It was about protecting herself too. Because people are selfish. They do things for their own reasons. Me included.

We sit together on the floor. Lukas is stretched out between us and we each have a toy in hand—waving them in front of him to tease another smile. The rabbit I’m holding is old. One of its ears is at risk of spontaneously severing. Possibly its head too. It’s surprisingly easy to sit here with her. It reminds me of those tragic jokes we shared when we were in the gondola.

‘Do you have siblings?’ she suddenly asks.

‘Time to swap life stories?’ I shoot her a sardonic look.

Her shoulder lifts—half apology, half amusement.

‘No siblings,’ I mutter. ‘For a while I wished I had them, then I was glad I didn’t.’

‘Because your parents fought?’

I nod. ‘They used me.’ I was alternately a weapon or a prize. ‘Any sibling would have been an adversary. We’d have been played off against each other.’

She dangles her toy above Lukas. ‘It was that bad?’

‘Worse.’

‘I was lucky to have Ava...’ She sighs deeply and her worried expression make me tense.

It’s obvious she has more to say but she’s gone silent. I fake patience and waggle the ripped-up rabbit at Lukas. I should win an acting award, I really should.

‘About Ava...’

I wait.

‘I want her to believe I’m happy. That I want this.’

‘You mean move to Australia with me?’ There’s a hit in there that makes my chest ache.

She puffs out a breath. ‘I don’t want her to doubt...’

‘You want us to act like we’re happy together. Is that what you mean?’

‘Yes.’ She swallows. ‘I don’t want her to worry about me.’

She’s spent her life caring for her sister. Maybe her sister should have been more aware of how hard her big sister was working for her. But Talia wasn’t honest even then.

It’s a good reminder that she’s a liar. She lies to the people who should be closest to her. I know how much that hurts the one lied to. Supposedlyprotected.

I almost tear the ear off the rabbit. I slide it into my pocket so Talia doesn’t see. ‘You want me to act the besotted boyfriend?’

She must have caught the anger in my expression because she turns away. ‘Forget it.’

I reach out and turn her back. I run my hand through her hair and see that smokiness enter her eyes. Isthishonest, Talia? I ignore her words and focus on the micro actions of her body that she can’t control. The flush that builds in her cheeks. The quickening breath. The way she leans a bit close without even realising. I lean closer and she mirrors me so we’re almost intimate, our baby content between us.

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