Page 48 of Repluse

“Why can’t you sleep?” I ask once he’s settled.

I can feel rather than see his eyes on me for a long moment before he answers. “Something woke me. I noticed you weren’t there, waited, realised it had been a while and you hadn’t returned, so decided to come looking for you.”

“Why?”

“Because I feel bad, Mils,” he says on another loud huff. “I feel like shit that I was willing to set you up, that I believed Logan, and that even when I found out the truth, I was still willing to use you. I’ve explained all of that, but also because of everything else I told you today.”

“About Logan and Alice?”

“About all of it. You didn’t need to hear it all today. I could’ve waited for you to get over one shock before I delivered the next.”

“What difference does it make?” I ask with a shrug. “I’d much rather have the Band-Aid ripped off in one go. Plus, it would mean you were still keeping secrets from me.”

“But nowyoucan’t sleep because of everythingItold you.”

“I can’t sleep for lots of reasons.”

“Such as?”

“Where’s Ella? Is she safe? If this all goes wrong, and if Logan finds out I know everything, am I safe? If I’m not, and if something happens to me, what’s going to happen to my mum?”

My nose tingles, and tears burn my eyes. I suddenly feel incredibly tired, or maybe I’m just overwhelmed, but right now, I have very little left in my tank.

“I’ve told you I’d work something out—we’dwork it out. I’m going to start looking for somewhere new to move your mum tomorrow. As for your safety, if you honestly think you’re in danger, then I don’t want you going back to Yira, back to him.”

“I’ll be fine. As long as I know my mum will be looked after, I’ll be fine.”

“Mils, it’s okay to admit you’re scared, worried, whatever it is you’re feeling.”

“I’m fine,” I snap.

“Don’t fucking lie. If you were fine, you wouldn’t be sitting down here at two in the morning.”

“You are.”

“Because I’m worried about you.”

“Because you feel guilty.”

“That, too,” he admits with a shrug.

“You hurt me.” I hate admitting that to him, but my mouth has decided I need to confess my inner most secrets. “I thought… I felt…” And now I’m gonna cry. “Last weekend was the first time in a very long fucking time I’ve been shown any kind of affection, and I just thought…” My tears are coming so fast. I can’t see, and I can barely breathe through the sobs heaving out of me.

Frankie moves, leans towards me, grabs my good arm, and pulls me into his lap. “Let it out, Mils. I’ve got you.”

“Have you, though? Or are you still lying? Are you still going to fuck me over?”

“I’m not lying, baby girl. I’m gonna make this right, and I’m gonna make them pay. Please believe me. I know it’s hard. You and me, we’re so much alike. We’ve both built the walls around our real selves so high, evenwe’velost sight of who we really are. We’ve had to barricade our hearts and cover our true personalities with armour to protect them from situations out of our control, from the hand life dealt us, but mostly, from Scott and Logan Walsh.”

I still haven’t quite managed to get my crying under control, and my voice shakes so badly, I don’t even recognise it as my own when I speak. “But it’s my own fault, my own doing. I planned it all. I flirted with him, led him on… anything to get him away from Alice. I knew what I was doing. I didn’t love him.”

“It’s called survival, Mils. You did what you had to do to escape the poverty you were born into.”

“But Logan and Alice, they might’ve been happy together if I?—”

“He was never going to marry Alice. She’s wealthy in her own right. That would’ve givenhertoo much independence,himnot enough control. And if there’s one thing Logan Walsh thrives on, it’s control.”

I slow my breathing while I consider this. “Is that why he married me?”

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