Page 84 of Heartless

“I know. I just didn’t think they were this bad.”

I drag my hands back and forth over my head.

“What kinds of problems, O? You and other women?”

He knows the man that I am because he’s always been the same way before he announced to the world that he and Mak had been married for six years. After that, he became a changed man.

There were no more trips to Club Prestige in North Carolina, and if there were, he was making them with his wife and not me. There were no more nights spent club hopping and taking home random women.

We went to clubs and bars together still, but always with our wives. The only thing that had changed for him, and not for me, was that he didn’t flirt with the women anymore. I still do.

It’s almost like I need it. It’s an addiction that I can’t break; the giving a woman my full attention and receiving hers in return. The admiration, the thrill of the chase, and the unspoken promises that aren’t kept on my end. Not anymore, anyway.

“She’s it for me, Shep.”

“Are you sure? Because from where I’m looking, when you go out, you still act like a single man. Your woman never should have to come up and remind you that you’re married to chase off other women.”

Scoffing, I reply, “Look at the pot calling the kettle black.”

He slants his eyes at me and says, “I fucked up more than a time or two. I lost her for several years of our lives. But when I got her back, trust me I knew not to do it again. I got my act together, and Mak is the only woman for me. She, those two little girls, and that little boy are my entire world. I don’t need admiration from a woman other than my wife.”

“Our marriages aren’t the same, Shep.”

“Clearly not, or your wife would still be here.”

“It’s not the same!”

“Then tell me what the hell is going on. You didn’t call me halfway across town to sit and watch you mope.”

“We’re having trouble conceiving.”

“Oh shit,” Shep says as sympathy fills his eyes.

“Don’t, man. Don’t do that shit. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me.”

“Not feeling sorry for your dumb ass. I’m feeling sorry for Meadow because I know what an asshole you can be. If she wants a kid and you’re out acting the way that you are, I can see how you might come across as insensitive. That’s the last thing that she needs right now. I remember what my kid sister went through with Bryan, and as much as she tried to hide it, she couldn’t. Poppy was miserable as hell.”

“Yeah, but hers wasn’t solely because she couldn’t get pregnant. It was also because of Bryan.”

“That’s true. But still, this can’t be easy for Meadow. I knew she wanted kids and that she’d been going through something over it, but I thought it was because you two weren’t on the same page.”

“I’m sure that she’s shared it with the ladies. At least I know that she did with Poppy she told me once. I got on her because I didn’t want the world to know our business.”

Shep shook his head. “I don’t get you, dude. How the hell are you the owner of a multimillion-dollar company, and you’re still living most days like you’re a single man who just got his own place and career?”

I roll my eyes at him.

“You’re judging my lifestyle. She wasn’t. The only issue that my wife had with me was our inability to conceive.”

“You sure? Because Meadow was a loving and patient woman, and I don’t see her being pissed and leaving you because you can’t give her a baby.”

“Why does it have to be me? Why the fuck can’t it be her?” I explode, standing and heading to the bar.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he says, pointing a finger toward me. “You’re insensitive. This isn’t about whether it’s your fault or hers. It’s no one’s fault. It simply isn’t happening right now.”

“And that’s what I’ve been trying to tell her!”

“Have you even gone to the doctor to see what might be causing it?”

---