Page 83 of Heartless

“Wow. That takes a lot of strength in the midst of despair.”

“It does. I don’t regret a single day of it. Don’t be fooled, though. There were many nights that I was in bed crying my eyes out. Many days where I didn’t feel like climbing out of bed. Several evenings, I didn’t want to cook, clean, or listen to how Matt’s day went. But I did. I gave myself fifteen minutes every evening to decompress from my day and to cry.

“When I left my bedroom, my face was washed, I had on relaxed clothing, and I wore a positive attitude like it was a new dress. It wasn’t until last year that he shared with me that he’d seen my sacrifice and that he appreciated it.”

“I love that he was able to share that with you.”

“Mm,” she says. “Make sure that you choose the path that works best for you. I don’t know why you’re getting divorced, but make sure that it’s what you both want. People always have an opinion about what you should do and what they would or wouldn’t do. No one has ever walked in your shoes. Even if they’ve been in a similar situation, they haven’t walked your exact path. Every situation is unique to that person because each person has different personalities, experiences, and backgrounds. No two situations are ever the same.”

“Did you love your husband?”

“Still do.”

“Did he love you?”

I tilt my head sideways and ponder that. I think about her words, and I think about Onyx and how he begged me not to divorce him. I haven’t spoken with him since he was served those papers.

I also think about how he tried to be there for me during my darkest days, but I pushed him away.

“Yes, he did. He always made me feel it until we came across a particularly rough stretch in the road.”

“Then he stopped making you feel loved?”

“No. I stopped loving him, and I intentionally worked hard to hurt him because I was hurting.”

“Mm. Do you want your marriage to work?”

I turn to look into her assessing gaze. “I did at one point. He cheated on me, Claire. It’s hard to get over something like that.”

She nods and rocks with her hands clasped at her midsection. “It can be. But a marriage can still be salvaged, even after something like that. But only if both people really want it and are committed to owning their responsibility for the destruction. Do you think the marriage could be salvaged?”

“If I wanted it to, yes, but I’m not sure that’s what I want anymore.”

She smiles at me and says, “Take your time, honey. If it’s meant to be, you two will come together again.”

21 – ONYX

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Shep asks.

“This!” I shout, throwing the divorce papers at my cousin, but they fall to the floor.

He stares at me in confusion, bends down and picks them up before he shakes his head.

“What the hell is this about?” he asks, reading it. “Why is she divorcing you?”

“That’s what I want to know.”

“No, you don’t get to take the easy road out on this, Nyx. She’s a good girl, and the two of you love each other. You’ve been very close and good to each other. How do you get from that to this?” he asks, shaking the papers.

Shep is the only one who’s ever understood me, and that I could relate to.

I wasn’t sure what to do when I returned home with those divorce papers in hand. I couldn’t believe that she’d actually gone through with it. So, I called Shep and told him that I needed him.

I didn’t have to explain. He showed up within fifteen minutes.

“We’ve been having problems,” I say, dropping down onto the couch. “I’d moved into the guest room, and eventually, she moved out altogether. We haven’t had sex in almost a month, and before that, it was a couple of months.”

“Damn, dude. That is pretty bad.”

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