Page 41 of Heartless

She turns over and stares at me.

“I’m unhappy.”

“I’m trying to get you help, baby. Tell me what you need. Anything, and I’ll do it.”

“Onyx, it’s not just the attack. It’s everything. I haven’t been happy in this marriage for a long time.”

“Where is this coming from, MJ? That’s not true. We were both happy before the attack.”

“No, I wasn’t. I put on a smile for the world and tried to hide my misery from you. It’s clear we don’t want the same things, and I’m tired of pretending we do. I want out,” MJ mumbles.

I get out of bed and pace back and forth. My heart can’t take anymore because I’ve given this girl everything. Where did I fail her at? I’ve been a damn good husband and provider.

A thought occurs to me, and before I can explore the logic of it or rationalize it, emotions take over.

“Did you know him?” I ask.

“What?” she mumbles with her face planted in the pillow.

I can’t stop now that I’ve let it out.

“Did you fucking know the guy who did this to you?”

My fists ball up, and my nails dig into my palms.

Meadow sits up in the bed, her hair wild and all over her head. Her eyes are crazed and her lips are puckered in a sour expression as though she’s ready to fight.

“You bastard! How could you say something like that?” she shouts. “He was an addict!”

“None of your actions are making sense to me, okay? I’m trying to explore every option, and that was a thought that popped into my head. You reported it to the police, but when they called you back in to look at some potential suspects acouple of weeks later, you refused. You won’t tell your family or friends—”

“I told Kaia, okay!”

“You won’t tell your parents. You won’t leave that studio and let me get you another better and safer place. It makes no sense why you’re acting this way unless you knew the fucking guy!”

She grabs a glass from the nightstand and throws it at me. I duck but it doesn’t stop the barrage of other items to come; an alarm clock, a cell phone, a bottle of perfume. Then, she opens the drawer and begins flinging other items at me.

I duck, but something cuts me on the cheek. I run towards the bed and tackle her onto her back, wrapping her tightly in my embrace. It doesn’t occur to me what I’m doing.

She fights, kicks, and screams, “Let me go! Let me go!” I continue holding her, hoping that I will calm her fury because if I don’t, I’m afraid she may start attacking me again.

This time the fight dwindles out of her, but not the way that I’d like. She starts crying, and her eyes are filled with panic as she cries, “Please! Please don’t hurt me! Let me go.”

It enters my mind that she may be reliving the attack all over again since I’ve got her pinned down, and she’s helpless. Shit!

I let her go and get off the bed, backing up slowly. Meadow curls into a ball and begins trembling.

“Meadow,” I say, returning to her and rubbing her back. “Please forgive me. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to scare or hurt you.”

“Get away from me!” she screams. “I hate you! I fucking hate you!”

When I don’t move instantly, she turns over and starts clawing at me. I get the message, and I’m out of here.

None of this makes sense, but this is more than I can handle right now. My emotions are too raw and I don’t want to do or say something I might regret later. I can’t live like this anymore.

***

The vibe is extremely relaxed tonight. The music is low and mellow, and rather than taking my normal seat at the bar, I sit at one of the fireplaces in the room. There are two club chairs with a low-slung table sitting between the fireplace and the two chairs.

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