Page 104 of Heartless

I cleaned the bathroom this morning, so the trash can is empty. The sticks make a soft “thunk” into the can.

I turn the water on in the sink to cover any more noise. As I grab several paper towels to shove in there to cover the sticks and the boxes, Onyx pushes the door open and glances into the can.

Before I can react, he grabs the trash can and pulls one of the sticks out of the can.

“Give me that!” I shout, reaching for the stick he holds in the air over his head.

Onyx slowly lowers his arm and turns his back to me as he looks at the stick. A different type of nausea rushes through me as I turn and walk away with my arms wrapped protectively around my midsection.

I wanted to do this my way and on my own terms. There’s no way that he’s going to let that happen now. I needed time to acclimate to the idea of being pregnant and raising a child no matter what happens in our marriage.

When he turns back to me, his eyes are full of hurt and sadness.

“When were you going to tell me?”

“Onyx, I just found out myself. I haven’t had a chance to allow it to sink in yet. I...well, you know that my cycle has never been regular which created false hope in the past. I missed the first month and didn’t think anything about it. I missed my cycle again last month and thought it might be due to the stress I’ve been under. But when it didn’t come again this month, I decided to check.

“Last night, I went to the store and got some groceries and this,” I say, waving a dismissive hand at the pregnancy test as if it weren’t anything. “I took it last night and couldn’t believe the results. I took the second one and when it came back as a positive, too, I was rocked. I left it on the sink overnight because I thought...what if this was all a dream and I woke up in the morning to disappointment?”

“But you suspected it. You suspected it, and you never breathed a word to me,” he says in a pained voice.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, and I wanted to make sure I knew first before saying something to you. Besides, we’ve been going through a lot. The last thing I wanted was for you to come back to me because of a child. I don’t want that kind of marriage.”

“I never wanted you to leave in the first place, MJ. Don’t you see that? What can I do or say to get that through to you?”

“I know, Onyx.”

He grips my shoulders, ducks his head, and stares into my eyes. “Baby, remember what I just said about the journey not being easy?”

I nod.

“Well, this is us taking our first step on that excursion. You’re not on this journey alone. Trust me to be what you need when you need it, MJ, and I’ll trust you to do the same.”

He kneels before me and cups my belly in his hands.

“I am honored that you’re carrying my child; an heir to the Maxwell legacy and fortune. My future queen or king rests within your womb,” he says, sliding my coverall for my bikini up.

He kisses my belly and then looks up at me with admiration and says, “Thank you, baby.”

I clasp the sides of his head. “Everything that we’ve put into place still stands, O. I’m not ready to come home. We do need to talk about how we’re going to raise our child and what we need to put in place to prepare for him or her coming. Other than that, nothing changes.”

“Everything changes, MJ. There’s another life that we’re responsible for now. Another person that we have to consider before every decision and action because everything we do impacts him or her.”

“You don’t think that I know this? I’ve thought about nothing since which is why I’ve been hesitant about what to do about us.”

He stares at me and asks, “Is the only reason you’re willing to work on the marriage because of our child?”

“No, O. I’ve always wanted our marriage even when I said I didn’t. I loved you more than I loved life itself. My depression and darkness were so great that I feared I would ruin you with it.I didn’t have enough light to lift you, so I had to push you away, otherwise, I would have brought you down with me.”

“Wherever you go, I’ll be there, too. We fall together, and we rise together. We are one, MJ. Everything that I do, I do for you and my child.”

“Just love me. That’s all I ask.”

His eyes search mine and he says, “I never stopped.”

Onyx stands, takes my hand, and leads me to the back porch of the cottage. We sit for a long time just talking. We take time out to grab sandwiches, fruit, and tea from the kitchen and return to the porch.

We stay so long that we watch the sun go down. But by the end of the night, we’d said everything that we were ever afraid to share. We reveal our hearts and share everything that needs to be said.

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