Page 102 of Heartless

“God.”

“What?”

“God brought me here.”

Laughing in confusion, I shake my head. “You’ve never been a religious man, Onyx. What are you talking about?”

“I spent thousands of dollars on an investigator trying to find you.”

“I asked you not to,” I seethe.

“And I stopped when you did. I paid his bill in completion and asked him to stop. I wasn’t sure what I should do next, but I knew that I wanted you home. It broke me knowing that you didn’t want to be found. The day that I read the letter that you sent to me about how you felt knowing that I’d shared my body with Sharla, it broke something inside of me. You were crying when you wrote that letter.”

I nod, unable to speak.

“I asked God that day to bring you back to me. From that day on, I prayed daily for you to come back.”

“But I haven’t.”

“No, but I believe that He brought me to you.”

“How?” I ask, laughing nervously.

“The family is here on Kiawah Island for the holiday. We’re at the other end of the island, though. I needed time away from everyone. My cousins, sister, parents, aunt and uncle, and all their damn kids. Not having you with me while everyone elsehad their significant other made me feel so lonely. Even Danica is there with some guy.”

Tears fall down my face, and he wipes them away.

“So, I stepped away and took a walk. I just walked down the beach, lost in thought, praying to God and thinking about you.”

He laughs humorlessly.

“What?”

“When I looked up and saw you, I wasn’t even sure that I was really seeing you. I thought I’d finally gone crazy. So, I kept walking just to see, hoping to touch you and see if you were real.”

“Then you saw Matt hugging me.”

He nods.

“I want and need to be where you are, MJ. I’m not giving up on you this time. I refused to sign the papers because I won’t give you up. When you told me not to sign them, that was the happiest day of my life. And though you couldn’t give me any answers at the time, it was enough to know that you didn’t want me to sign them yet. That gave me hope. I love you, and I never stopped even though I fucked up MJ.”

“I never doubted if you loved me, O. I doubted if I was enough for you.”

“You were more than enough for me. The problem was that I didn’t know how to handle you.”

“What does that mean, Onyx?”

“When we said our vows, it was for better or worse. I was there for you during your worst, but I stumbled along the way. You thought that I was enough to make you well and to protect you. That expectation was more than I could handle. Some things will just be too big for you and me to handle. That’s where we’ll have to take a knee and ask for help. Now, all I ask in return is that you’d be here for my worst, too. Please, let’s work this out.”

“That takes time. I mean, even if I’m willing, this isn’t something that will happen overnight. I won’t be moving back into the house tomorrow, or next week, or even next month.”

“But you would be willing to work through this with me?”

I pause and consider what he’s asking of me.

“I would be willing to attend joint counseling sessions together.”

“You would?”

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