Page 65 of Found In Destruction

Desmond sat next to us and took my hand, pulling me into his lap so I faced him. “I want her next.” His shadows wrapped around me, chilling my heated skin.

I had a feeling that this dream was only getting started.

27

BASH

Ispent the night drenched in a lust-filled dreamscape, my power was boosted to an unprecedented level, and I woke up with my face squished between Diana’s breasts.

I should feel amazing.

But I kept thinking about the static between Az and I. It had been growing over the past few months, creating a divide between us that was glaringly obvious last night. He didn't make eye contact with me and never approached me. The few times I caught him looking my way, he averted his eyes. I watched him ride Desmond, his positivity flooding the entire dreamscape, and I still felt miserable. I wanted to join them so badly, but I knew he was still hurt by what I had done.

My apology for how cruelly I treated him wasn’t enough; he still kept a wall between us. Every time I tried to talk to him alone, he made some excuse to leave. I gave him some books, and he never opened them. The few times I tried to enter his mind at night, I found his psyche locked down tight.

I thought giving him space would help, but things stayed the same.

“I can feel you thinking, Bash. You’re really upset, what’s up?” Diana rolled onto her back, and I missed how soft and comforting her boobs were.

Sighing, I sat up. “Az and I aren’t in a good place, and yes it’s my fault, but he won’t even let me make it up to him… I miss him so much, but I don’t know how to get him back.”

“Yeah I noticed last night you two didn’t even speak to each other…” she trailed off. “I’ve purposely stayed out of it, because I don’t want to be the woman thatmakesyou do things, but if you want I can help.”

I didn’t want to put this on her. She shouldn’t have to referee us, and I was a grown man—literally, I’ve been alive for thousands of years. Asking for help felt like getting repeatedly stabbed in the eye socket, but what other option did I have?

“Yes, I’d like that,” I forced myself to say. Birdie smiled, fully aware of how uncomfortable this made me.

“I linked him that I needed help. I feel he’s awake the same way I can feel you’re awake, so he’ll be here soon.”

A minute later he faded in with two steamy mugs of coffee. When he saw me, he stood there, his whole body going tense.

“I can come back,” he offered, putting the extra mug on her side table.

“No, I think the three of us should have a talk.” When Az frowned at her, she said, “You’re always telling me how I should face my problems head on and communicate, so I wanted to return the favor.”

“I think this is something Bash and I should talk about privately,” he said in a neutral tone.

“I’ve tried to talk with you, but you always run off or act like I’m not there. You mean a lot to me, and I’m so sorry Az.” I fucking meant it. I missed him and needed him back in my life.

“I don’t feel like you really understand how fucked up you were toward me, Bash. What you did was abusive. I understandwe all grieve in our own way, but you went out of your way to make me feel like shit.” Zaz pushed his hands into his pockets, his eyes fixed on his sneakers. His solemn tone of voice was enough to let me know how distraught he was over this.

“You’re right, I was awful.” I didn’t try to make excuses—this was my fault, one hundred percent.

“Awful isn’t even the word. There were times I couldn’t eat dinner with everyone because you’d spend the entire meal brow-beating me at the dinner table. One night you yelled and screamed at me to the point I had to leave the barrack. I didn’t feel safe staying here that night. Do you know how fucking embarrassing it was to ask Judas to unlock Michael’s barrack for me?” Zaz said, trying to hold back tears. “I can’t deal with that shit. I felt like I didn’t even know you.”

“I can imagine. Judas is a shit stirrer on his good days, and a monster on his bad ones. I’m shocked he didn’t beat the crap out of you, Bash.”

“I didn’t tell him why. He pushed for a reason, and I just explained to him that I needed some space from everyone,” Zaz explained.

He fucking lied for me? I hated that. Zaz may not be an angel anymore, but I know how dishonesty made him feel. It still bothered him.

I buried my head in my hands, and my heart fucking broke. What the fuck could I say? Az didn’t deserve a man like me, and I wasn’t going to be selfish and convince him otherwise, no matter how much I needed him.

A few minutes later, Diana rubbed my back, breaking me from my thoughts. “Bash, I can feel your shame through our claimbond. Can you tell us how you feel right now?”

“Like a piece of shit. You deserve someone better than me. I shouldn’t have taken my anger and anxiety out on you… WithoutDiana, I felt out of control, and I couldn’t deal with it, so I lashed out.”

Zaz took my hand, pulling me off the bed. “We both have a bond with her. I was feeling all of those same things, Bash. I wish we could have comforted each other instead.”

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