Page 14 of Somewhere You Belong

I don’t belong here.

This isn’t where my life fits.

But do you even knowwhereyou fit, Willow?

That’s always been part of the problem, hasn’t it?

Before my thoughts spiral any further, I kick off my heels, pull my hair free from my bun, shaking out the strands, and then I make my way down the steps of the house and across the sand toward the water. I let my feet carry me faster, outpacing the whirlwind of thoughts trying to piece this puzzle together—running from the problems, the emotions, the decisions I have to make.

My arms hang limp beside my body, my legs ache as I step off-balance on the sand, but I just keep going, inching closer to the ocean that is calling to me right now.

I could run into that water and drown, and no one would know the difference. I could disappear and take all this mental chaos with me.

But I slow down as I approach the water’s edge, watching the waves slide up the sand and kiss the tips of my toes. A stark reminder that leaving this earth isn’t really what I want, even though everything feels so heavy right now that irrational thoughtscrowd my mind.

The water is cold and frigid—mirroring how I often feel inside. But being here and absorbing what just happened makes me feel like a volcano is about to erupt.

And then I crumble, falling to my hands and knees as the sand digs into my skin. The simple task of breathing, of existing, suddenly feels monumental.

My lungs constrict and I gasp for breath, leaning back with my legs folded beneath me. I stare off at the water and let a few tears spring free, each one underscoring the deep sense of loneliness this place has brought to the surface.

I remain there on the beach for an unknown length of time, gazing off into the distance across the ocean in contemplation—until my soul hardens again, until my mind buries the anger and resentment six feet under, and I push myself back up on my feet. As I’ve done so many times before, ready to weather yet another storm life has thrown at me, refusing to let it sweep me away.

Chapter four

Willow

“Where are the muffins?” I ask, spinning around to face Dolly when I spot the empty basket.

“The early bird gets the worm, Willow.”

A huff of disappointment leaves my lips. “You just ruined my morning, Dolly.” Although, with the last twenty-four hours I’ve been through, another obstacle like this doesn’t surprise me.

She holds her hands up jokingly. “Don’t shoot the messenger. We only order a fixed amount each day, and once they’re gone, they’re gone.”

“Well, can I get them somewhere else?”

She grins in my direction. “Seems someone really liked the muffins.”

“Well, I mean…they were okay,” I reply, even though inside I feel like I’m having a mini panic attack and all the joy I was anticipating with that first bite has been robbed from me.

Is it sad to admit that the only thing that got me out of bed this morning was knowing I would get to eat one of those muffins again?

“Just okay?” she teases.

I roll my eyes. “Fine. It was thebestblueberry muffin I’ve ever tasted and I need another, Dolly. Like right now.”

She chuckles and reaches under the counter for something, handing me a bright yellow business card for the Sunshine Bakery. “This is where you can get one if that is what your heart truly desires.”

“It does. Thank you.” I reach for my coffee cup and move to leave, but her voice stops me in my tracks.

“What are you up to today?”

Ah, the million-dollar question that I don’t even really know the answer to.

Yesterday, after I picked myself up off the beach, I walked back to the house—my house—and started assessing the place for what all needed to be done. I know that selling the property is probably in my best interest, but it needs to be cleaned and brought up to code before I can do that. I need it inspected by someone who knows what they’re looking for, since that is something I don’t haveanyexpertise in.

The real question I’m lacking an answer to is, why do I care?

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