Page 129 of Somewhere You Belong

“When’s the last time you took a vacation, or any time off work for that matter? When’s the last time you felt like this about a place? When’s the last time you let yourself fall in love?”

“Never,” I admit in a whisper.

“Exactly. And just those few months away have seemed to lighten your aura.”

I cock a brow at her. “Is this something new you’re into that you didn’t tell me about?”

She laughs. “No. I’m just saying your energy is different. I can tell you’re conflicted, but it’s almost as if it’s not just irritation that has you in knots. It’s the fact that you want to be there with him, but don’twantto want that.”

Damn. She hit the nail on the head.

“All of me wants that, Mandy. But it’s just so inconvenient with work and he was so angry with me…”

“Most things that change our lives are inconvenient,” she counters. “But like you said, you want that life for yourself, so you’ll figure out a way to make it happen. When people care about you, they get upset with you sometimes.”

“But Dallas walked away and now I’m not sure where we stand.”

Just those few words have tears building in my eyes. And I don’t ever allow myself to cry in front of people, even Mandy. But I guess that’s changed, too, because I’ve never cried this much in my life.

He walked away. The second things got hard, he abandoned me.

Just like my parents did.

This is why it’s easier to be alone.

“Oh, honey.” She stands from the couch and walks over to me, scooting onto the cushion as I adjust myself to make room for her. “It’s okay,” she says as I lean my head on her shoulder, resisting the urge to let the emotions I’ve been holding under the surface break through. “Maybe it’s time to let go of some of the anger, Willow. Maybe this is all part of your journey to healing. To learning how to let people in.”

“I was doing fine, Mandy. Life was exactly as it should be, and then I got that stupid letter and it drudged up all of these thoughts, regrets, doubts, insecurities…” I swipe a tear from my cheek.

“It made you feel.”

I nod, not stable enough to respond as I choke back a sob. “I don’t cry, Mandy. That’s not me. Emotions are a sign of weakness.”At least that’s what I’ve always told myself.

“No, they’re not. They’re a sign of strength, Willow. And I think it’s time you let some of yours out.” She holds me as I shudder in her arms, giving me time to gather myself before she speaks again. “You know, I never wanted kids, Willow,” she whispers, and her admission has my head popping up.

I wipe under my eyes and nose. “What?” It comes out as a whisper.

She smiles, brushing my hair behind my ear. “I didn’t want children. I felt like that wasn’t what I wanted my life to be about. Women shouldn’t have to have children to feel validated. It’s a societal norm that women have been told theyshouldwant, but I didn’t. And Jason and I had plans for our life. But then your parents died and suddenly I was thrown into this role that I resented.”

I swallow hard as her words ring out loud, wondering if this is her way of dropping another bomb on me all at once so it doesn’t feel like I’m being hit over and over again—like ripping off a Band-Aid instead.

Am I the reason they divorced? Because they didn’t want me?

I don’t think I could take knowing that on top of everything else right now.

“But the second I signed the papers as your guardian, I realized that this was the role I wasmeantto have—to be here foryou—this little girl who had part of her world ripped from her far tooyoung. Your presence opened up this entirely different side of me, and I could never regret havingyouin my life.”

“Mandy—”

She lifts her hand, gesturing for me to wait. “So the reason I’m telling you this is because I feel like this is a similar experience for you. It’s not ideal. I know it’s stirring up all kinds of shit for you. But maybe this is one of those forks in the road that will change the entire direction of your life if you let it.” She brushes a tear from my cheek. “Open yourself up to the possibilities. Prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. Go back to him and try to work it out, and see if you can finally find a place where you belong and people who make you feel that way too.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“I’m always here. But you and I both know you already know what you want. And I have a selfish desire to visit the coast. Knowing you’re there may just make the trip worth it.”

“The house isn’t a mess anymore, thank God.”

“A little mess never stopped me. Some of the biggest messes turn out to be the most beautiful masterpieces when they’re complete.”

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