Page 82 of Eden's Joker

I’m so close I can already taste it, but I hold back from coming. Because I want this moment to last andlast and last forever. He’s like a wild man, thrusting into me, his eyes full of light, his gaze just for me. I never want to forget this. Any of it.

But as soon as it’s over, I’ll have to start forgetting. And the end is coming, because there’s no fighting the explosion of bliss. He knows how to make me come too well, knows exactly what I need and love, what drives me wild. I don’t even have to tell him. He just knows. His rhythmic hard thrusts drive me over the edge, my whole body shuddering as I fight to hold onto the pleasure and never let it go.

He’s breathing hard and shuddering slightly too as he lies on top of me, spent, his breath fast and jagged as he lifts me up and kisses my neck.

“I can’t fucking live without you, Eden,” he whispers, holding me tight. “Don’t ask me to.”

A tear trickles out of my eye. I didn’t cry when he wouldn’t have me. I didn’t cry when he abducted me and kept me locked up in this house. And I won’t cry now.

I wrap my arms and legs around him and hold him tight. Now. That’s all we have.

I can’t speak. Because I can’t do what he’s asking.

Decades seem to again pass as we just hold each other, the room growing chilly and our breathing and heartbeats slowing. Decades, but not the lifetime I need. That we need.

After a while, he leads me back to the head of the table and sits me in his lap.

“What you’re asking is impossible,” he says.

“You too,” I say. “I don’t want to make you choose. But I don’t want to lie to you either. You have to.”

He wraps his arm tighter around my waist as he reaches for a bread roll.

“No, I mean, I can’t stop this war,” he says. “It’s not just my war.”

“But you would if you could?”

I look into his eyes very deeply. And I think I can see what I want to see there. What I need to see.

“Would that be enough for you?”

This time he’s searching for an answer in my eyes. I don’t know what he sees there. But I don’t want to lie to him. So I shake my head.

“While seeking revenge, dig two graves—one for yourself...” I hear myself say.

“What’s that?” he asks, not meeting my eyes. “Wise words from some fancy book of yours? What I’m doing isn’t revenge, it’s vengeance.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Vengeance is justice.” Now he’s not even holding me anymore.

The pleasant heat that’s always around when he’s near is gone.

I get up and pick up my dress. He doesn’t try to stop me.

“Both just equal death in the end,” I say and slide the dress over my head.

He nods, his eyes very dark, but also very soft. “Ialways expected to dig that second grave for myself when this was all over.”

I suddenly physically can’t stand the cold finality of this conversation. It’s like winter has come into this room, full of ice and snow and winds so razor-sharp I feel like I’m bleeding.

I walk to him and hold his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. “I understand the pain you’ve been through. You lost your whole family and had no one for so long. But you have me now. Let me give you a family. Don’t kill us both for revenge or vengeance. There won’t ever be any justice in that. Because there’ll be nothing left when it’s done. You know that. And I know you don’t want that. Not anymore.”

I’m breathless by the time all that is out of my mouth. He just looks at me, saying nothing. But his face and his eyes are speaking volumes, too fast for me to understand. So many lifetimes have passed in this room tonight. I hope they’re not all we’re getting in this life.

“That was nice speech, Eden,” he says, ice returning to his eyes. Ice with no sun to warm it.

“Am I wrong?” I ask.

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