Page 26 of Nocte

“You are distracted today,” Day remarks. It’s a second before I process his low tone. Then I see the confusion in his eyes. “Are you not happy to see me?”

“Yes,” I blurt out with a nod. “Of course. Always!”

It used to be the moment of every week I lived for. Wait… Used to? No, it is. No one else could take his place, because he is fae and we are blood. He sees me even though it is forbidden to. The risk he takes is so great I could never repay the kindness. Never.

“I’m sorry, I am just… Thinking about the ceremony,” I say.

He scoffs and some of the light returns to his expression. He’s himself again. “How silly to worry about something so boring. Though, this year is supposedly a ‘special’ anniversary.” He sneers. How silly.

To me, it is everything. I would give anything to leave these walls, if not the realm. Anything to see the Citadel proper with my own eyes. Would I ask such a thing of him, my dearest Day? No. The risk would be too great, and his presence is enough of a gift. Besides, there is nothing I have that he could want.

He isn’t a rabid dog hungry for a bone.

“Should I leave if you are determined to ignore me? Me, the only one that bothers to speak to you like an equal? Who teaches you purely out of kindness?” His voice rises. “It’s only because of me that you can even enjoy this damn place as you do!”

I stiffen and nearly sink to my knees in contrition. “I’m sorry,” I breathe out. I’m so sorry. I’m being so rude—so horribly rude. It’s as if the vamryre has infected me, stripping away my manners as easily as he did my robes.

My skin grows cold at the memory. At the same time, a deep-seated shame heats up within me, but it doesn’t feel like shame should. It’s not painful to endure. It causes my heart to race and my belly to flip.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat to poor, confused Day.

“I accept your apology. Now get up.” He nods and adjusts his bright green robes—his normal style this time. “What shall you read for me today?”

My lips twitch though it would be obscene to smile. “Whatever you like.”

His choice is the same as always: a volume from the olden days. One rife with bloodshed and violence and depictions of the horrific wars that eventually led to the Treaty of races. He gobbles up every word and licks his lips every time I mention the word death.

“What a shame we don’t live that way anymore,” he says when I finish a particularly brutal passage. “Out in the open, rather than here—hiding in a false realm like herded animals. Forced to walk alongside scum like lunaria and vermin like the vamryre. Safe in here, you don’t see. You don’t have to deal with their infernal stink.” His nostrils wrinkle, his disgust palpable. “The other day, you asked of vamryre. I will tell you of them: a slavish horde controlled by three. Cassius, Pol and Nataniel—the only one with real authority. Soon, they will not traipse around, flaunting our rules as they do.”

I swallow hard. Cassius must be the master from whom Caspian descends. One of the three, yet Day makes it seem as though… They will not maintain their status for long. Am I curious? I shouldn’t be. Yet, I don’t implore him to stop. Instead, I ask, “Oh?”

He sneers. “Our high council will put those bloodthirsty rats in their place. At the ceremony, the entire realm will see the way. Therightfulauthority is not with some pointless treaty, but with the fae alone.”

My heart twinges. The boast would sound odd coming from anyone else. Coming from Day, descended from one of the very figures who composed the first council, the words are merely reflective. Right?

Yes,I tell myself. It was the fae, after all, who devised this realm—a haven from the chaos of the mortal world where they were persecuted to near extinction.

“Sister?” Day claps his hands loudly enough to draw notice. “You may continue reading.”

“Of course.” I read to him until our hour is up and he has to leave. He does so quietly, his head bowed, flaming red hair blazing a path through the shadow. I’m not exactly sure how he sneaks in. Perhaps there is a tunnel or a passage somewhere. Maybe one day I could be brave enough to ask him?—

Stop!I shake my head firmly and return to the bell tower, my hidden haven. I should read or attend to fixing the old books the workers leave for me. There is so much work to be done.

Yet I pace instead. I pace in circles and tear at my hair. I adjust my robes—my remaining set. The other one is ripped beyond repair, folded, and hidden in the same corner where I keep the sketchbook of art. And now my rose. His rose.

I own nothing. I am nothing. It is the way of the world.

One vamryre can’t change that—even if he holds the potential to upend my entire world. Expand it beyond the boundaries I have been taught to always obey. Damn these greedy feelings.

I close my eyes and try to drive him out of my mind through sheer will. It’s futile. By nightfall, I’m creeping onto the edge of the roof, watching and waiting. My body is alight with all the shameful things I’ve learned. It’s like I’ve been given a million pieces of silver—the exact price of the only thing I’ve ever wanted. I’ll spend it all without a second thought. I’ll throw it all away just for a glimpse. A chance. A tiny piece of hope.

He has my hope in his fist, the vamryre does.

Over the course of the night, he shatters it into a million tiny pieces.

Because he doesn’t come.

As far as he was concerned, it was all a game.

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