“Okay.” I’d listen to her if that’s what she needed for closure. It’s not like I was going to get any sleep anyway.
She inhaled slowly before continuing. “Do you remember Samantha’s birthday party? We were supposed to go, but you had to bail at the last minute.”
“Vaguely.” If I remembered correctly, Sara had a seizure and was rushed to the hospital. “It was a couple of weeks before you left, right?”
“Yeah, it was. I went to the party, and I was upset. I mean, I was young, and I felt like, you know, I was losing you. We barely saw each other, and when we did, you were always so stressed. I mean, well,of courseyou were. No one could have handled what you were handling the way you did. I know that now, but at the time, it all sort of came to a head for me emotionally that night. And Frankie was there. He listened to me and was a shoulder to cry on.”
I’m sure he was.Frankie Marcon had always had a thing for Lindsay, and he probably saw a crack in the door, and he kicked his way in.
“I don’t even know how it happened. I was drinking, a lot. Not that that’s any excuse. We started kissing, and then it just…I don’t know…”
I did. You fucked him.He happily told Finn all about it, who then had to tell me.
“I woke up the next day and panicked. I knew that I had to tell you, but I didn’t know how. Then, I got a call for a job opening in New York as a buyer for Saks. I tried to tell you I was going to leave, but I was scared that if I did, you’d ask me to stay, and if you asked me to, I would have. If I did stay, I would have to tell you that?—"
“Uncle CJ,” Leo walked into the front room. His hair was sticking out in all different directions, and he was rubbing his eyes as he climbed onto my lap. “I had a bad dream.”
“Okay, bud. You’re okay.” I looked over at Lindsay.
“Hi, I’m Lindsay.” She waved at him. “I haven’t seen you since you were a baby.”
Leo, who was the shyer of the twins, snuggled his head against my chest.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” I stood and walked into his room.
After tucking him back in, he asked if I’d read him a book. He chose Charlotte’s Web. We’d left off on chapter eight earlier; we made it to chapter eleven before he was back asleep. I stood and headed back into the hall. I closed the door quietly.
When I walked back into the front room, I found Lindsay sound asleep. I could wake her up, but then I’d have to make sure she got home safely. Instead, I pulled a throw blanket up over her and sat in the armchair.
It wasn’t the first night I’d spent in the chair. After the twins were born, I’d spent quite a few nights in it for feedings. As I closed my eyes, all I could think about was Bailey and those two words.Thank you.
As badly as Lindsay had betrayed me, somehow Bailey using me to get back with her ex felt worse. Even though I knew she hadn’t done it intentionally; she would never use anyone in that way. But the outcome was still the same. He was with her, and I wasn’t.
It was for the best. I couldn’t offer her what she deserved. I couldn’t even make it through a talk with my ex without being interrupted. If being with Simon made Bailey happy, then that was all that mattered to me. I just wanted her to have everything she’d always dreamed of, even if it wasn’t with me.
35
BAILEY
As I rushedto my car, my chin quivered, and I pulled my sweatshirt sleeves over my cold hands. The early morning air was crisp as I quickly got in and shut the door. I’d given up on sleep altogether at five and decided I’d head to the gym.
Yesterday, after Simon left, I’d thought about calling my sisters or Olivia for a tea-spilling session, but something stopped me. I wasn’t sure what it was at first, but then, around midnight, I figured it out.
The reason I hadn’t sent out the Bat-Signal and called an emergency meeting to debrief everyone on Simon showing up with his declarations of love was because I needed to process how I felt, or more accurately, how I didn’t feel.
I wasn’t happy that Simon had told me all the things I’d waited my entire life to hear. It had been anticlimactic, to say the least. When he was begging me to give him another chance, I felt…numb. When I looked at him now, I didn’t see the guy I fell in love with; I saw a man I didn’t really know and who didn’t know me.
The problem I was having now was that I didn’t know if my newfound immunity to Simon was just because I’d transferred my feelings onto Cole, who was not any more appropriate. He was, by his own account, not in the right headspace to have a relationship. He didn’t see kids in his future. He was twelve years younger than me. And he was a professional plus one.
I still felt strange that he hadn’t allowed me to pay for the weekend. But on the flip side of that coin, if I had paid him, I would have definitely regretted sleeping with him. It would have felt wrong to me. Not that I was totally convinced it had been the right thing to do. I wasn’t. Mainly it was the aforementioned transference I was concerned about.
My head was spinning as I pulled out of my parking spot. I realized that I needed to tell someone about what was going on. If it weren’t the butt crack of dawn, I’d have weighed my options between calling Olivia, Birdie, or Billie. But since the sun wasn’t even up yet, the choice was made for me.
I grabbed my phone, which was synced to my car, and called my sister. Within two rings, her voice came over the speakers; “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I assured her. “I just couldn’t sleep, and I knew you’d be up.”
“You haven’t slept?”