Page 95 of Love in Fine Print

Ben:Can’t wait to see my girls. Miss you.

My girls.I knew that was just a phrase, and it wasn’t anything deep. Still, I couldn’t help the way my heart went pitter-patter seeing his use of the common phrase. Part of me was appalled that I enjoyed the feeling of belonging to Ben. I’d spent my entire life working to never feel any sort of obligation or attachment to a man. But another part of me, a part that sounded a lot like Trevor was telling that part to shut the fuck up and enjoy it, bitch.

Yeah, that was definitely Trevor in my head.

The timer went off on the oven, and I grabbed the mitt before opening it to remove the chocolate chip cookies I’d just baked.

“Get back,” I instructed Dolly, who was throwing caution to the wind and sticking her head way too close to the tray. Her tail wagged as she backed up and sat down like the good girl that she was. Her obedience earned her the last bit of chicken from the chow mein I’d ordered for myself.

When I placed the order last night, Mrs. Zhang, who owned the restaurant with her husband, asked where I’d been because it had been months since my last order. I used to get takeout from Golden Dragon at least twice a week. But since being married, I hadn’t needed to feed myself. Ben cooked. He loved cooking.

He also loved long runs and unwinding with a glass of wine and reality TV. He hummed when he brushed his teeth, and he didn’t get mad when I put my cold feet on his toasty legs under the blankets. His body temperature always ran hotter than mine. I used to use a heating pad to warm my feet at night, but now, Ben served as my personal heated and weighted blanket.

I missed him. Not just because he cooked every night, and was my personal weighted and heated blanket. I missed seeing his face. I missed falling asleep and waking up to it. I missed our morning coffee. I missed knowing that he would be waiting for me when I got home. I missed talking about new Ever After clients and discussing who would be good matches.

Since Ben left yesterday morning, I’d been completely out of sorts. And I’d made a shitload of baked goods.

Growing up, whenever I was stressed or upset about something, my dad and I would bake. I wasn’t an emotional eater, but I was an emotional baker. Ben had been gone less than forty-eight hours. In that time, I’d made a German Chocolate cake, two pans of brownies, and four batches of cookies.

Four months ago, I was completely capable of taking care of myself. I had routines. I had schedules that had nothing to do with another person. These past thirty-six hours, I’d felt completely at loose ends. And tired.

I was anxious and achy but couldn’t rest. Last night, I hadn’t even gone up to bed because I knew I’d just toss and turn without Ben beside me. I’d crashed out on the couch with Dolly instead. I’d hoped to catch up on some sleep with Ben out oftown. I’d been sleeping less since I’d been sharing a bed with my husband. Between us staying up too late talking, and our late night, middle of the night, and morning sexy time, I was running on about four hours of sleep a night.

It was definitely catching up with me. I didn’t feel well. I was exhausted. Last night, I’d fallen asleep early, at eight p.m., and hadn’t got up until eight this morning. But even twelve hours wasn’t enough to refill my sleep tank. All day, I’d felt like I could barely keep my eyes open.

Using a spatula, I moved all the cookies to a cooling rack and then checked the time.

Crap.

It was five p.m. and I hadn’t even taken a shower yet. I was supposed to be at the senior center at six. Thinking about getting dressed and driving over to Bay View sounded like the worst possible idea in the world, but I hadn’t seen Uncle Mort this week because he’d been feeling a little under the weather, so I didn’t want to cancel our dinner plans. He’d been texting me all day checking to make sure I was coming. I was pretty sure that had more to do with the fact that I was bringing Miss B and less to do with him missing my company. The two had been spending a lot of time together since Christmas Eve. For the past two months, every time I went to visit Uncle Mort, Miss B had accompanied me. I didn’t want to let either of them down.

Plus, I had a ton of baked goods that I would eat if they stayed in the house. The last thing my body needed was a sugar crash after devouring a chocolate cake, two pans of brownies, and four dozen chocolate chip cookies, which is exactly what would happen if I didn’t get them out of here.

Summoning all the strength I could muster; I headed up the stairs with Dolly trailing behind me. My arms felt heavy as I turned on the shower and undressed as I silently admonishedmyself for my lack of productivity today. When I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized myself. I was a disheveled mess.

“You need to get your shit together,” I told my reflection.

Today,I’d spent eight hours in Ben’s office. I’d tried to prep for a case that was going to court Monday morning, but instead, I found myself going over the past week’s matches. I’d spent six hours setting up dates for about a dozen clients.

Once I realized I’d wasted so much time, I tried again to go over the files for the case, but I couldn’t focus on my work. I kept thinking about Ben. I wondered what he was doing. If he was having fun. If he missed me.

He’d messaged me that he missed me, but was that just what he thought he had to say?I thought as I stepped beneath the water and sponged off.

My mind kept wandering back to that photo I’d seen on Coach Graham’s Instagram. Ben was at the barbeque with a gorgeous brunette standing beside him. I’d never felt any sort of jealousy or insecurity before, but that was probably because the relationships I’d been in were real. This wasn’t. I knew we’d made an agreement not to see other people, but technically, he wouldn’t be cheating on me since our marriage was one of convenience.

Unable to help myself, I tapped on her picture in the photo and clicked on her tag which sent me to her page.

Kelly Sharpe.

That name sounded so familiar to me. It took me a second but then I remembered she was the woman Ben had had a date with the night I proposed we get married. I’d asked him about that date over our Valentine’s Day dinner. I’d kept wondering who he was supposed to have been going out with and after he gave me another very personal gift, a scholarship in my father’s name, I’d felt close enough to him to ask.

He’d explained that she’d worked in PR for the team. He’d canceled it because he hadn’t wanted to lead her on. After seeing her, that decision was even more impressive to me. She was absolutely stunning. And she was standing very close to him.

What if he decided that there were different rules while he was out of state? What if she was some sort of hall pass situation? What if he realized he’d made a mistake not seeing her and decided to spend the night with her?

I pushed all those thoughts out of my mind and managed to dry myself off and get dressed. I threw on a pair of jeans and one of Ben’s sweatshirts. I sniffed the collar and closed my eyes as the scent of him enveloped me.

When I opened my eyes, I caught my reflection in the mirror. Once again, it was shocking. Not because I was acting like a love-sick teenager, but because I had dark circles beneath my eyes and my complexion looked gray.

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