Page 106 of Match Point

‘Kieran, I’m sorry about the semi-finals,’ I say, stepping back and gripping the counter behind me for something to do with my hands. ‘I wanted to explain about why I made up that stuff about the job interview to miss being there for the match.’

He bows his head. ‘It’s okay, you don’t need to explain. I know why you couldn’t be there. Why you shouldn’t be there.’

Shouldn’t. One tiny word. Or two words, if we’re getting technical. Two little words, meshed together with an ability to cause a blow so considerable it knocks the breath right out of you. It changes everything that word. It tells me that he agrees with his dad and Neil. I think part of me hoped he’d fight for me to be at the final, even if I was the one to take the step back. It’s natural, isn’t it, to want someone to fight for you?

‘You do,’ I say, my heart sinking.

‘I’m sorry that I put you in this position,’ he says quietly. ‘I wasn’t thinking straight. I was being selfish.’

‘Me too. I want what’s best for you.’

He nods. ‘And I want what’s best for you. It’s better this way,’ he croaks, his voice strained and unnatural. ‘It would be worse to end it further down the line.’

I blink at him. ‘End it?’

‘I want you to know that I never set out to hurt—’

‘Kieran, wait.’ I stare at him in disbelief. ‘You… you want to end it completely? Me and you. You… you’re ending it.’

He watches me in confusion, his eyebrows knit together. ‘That’s what we were saying. That’s what you’ve been talking about.’

‘No! Not… really. I just thought I needed to step back a bit for the end of the tournament,’ I say, the words tumbling out of me as I become desperate to explain myself, desperate to clear up any miscommunication. ‘I had to let you focus on the tennis, rather than… us. I’ve been a distraction. That’s why I didn’t come to the semi-finals. No one thought it was a good idea, and I didn’t want to be the reason you lost your chance, so I thought…’ I trail off, my head spinning. ‘You really want to end it? As in, properly end it?’

His lips part, his jaw set. ‘I… we have to.’

‘No, we don’t.’ My heart is thudding so loudly against my chest, it’s making my ears ring and my breath shake. ‘Kieran, did your dad and Neil tell you to end it?’

He flinches. ‘What? Why would you ask that?’

Because they told me to, I want to shout. But in spite of everything, I’m still not able to bring myself to reveal their meddling ways the day before the Wimbledon final. No matter how I feel, he needs them. He has to be able to trust them. I can’t affect that.

‘Did they?’ I press.

‘They don’t get to tell me what to do in my personal life.’

‘Really?’ I say curtly, folding my arms across my chest.

He glowers at me. ‘Really. I can make my own decisions.’

‘Neil has been against me from the start.’

‘Yes, and I’ve told him to fuck off,’ he says tersely.

‘Okay, so ending it now is what you want.’

‘It’s not about what I want,’ he growls, his eyes falling to the floor. ‘It’s about doing what’s right. This isn’t going to work. The last couple of days have shown that.’

‘Kieran, if this is about me ducking out of the semi-finals and sleeping on the sofa, I’ve told you that I wanted you to be able to focus on the tennis. I knew the team felt that way, and so I was trying to do what’s right.’

‘Exactly, and that’s what I’m trying to do now.’

‘I don’t understand. We can see where we are after Wimbledon. We can give things a go. I want to give things a go.’

‘Flora, we have known each other for a few weeks and look what’s happened,’ he says, scrunching up his eyes and rubbing his temples. ‘Look at what being with me has done to you. The paparazzi everywhere. The news stories about your family, about your past. It’s crushing, all of it is crushing. I can’t… I don’t want this for you anymore.’

A flicker of hope alights in my heart. He’s protecting me. It’s not that he doesn’t want me, he’s trying to protect me. That has to be it. Please let that be it.

‘I don’t care about that stuff,’ I say, my voice raspy and soft. ‘I can cope with it.’

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