Page 17 of Lessons in Desire

But of course, none of that happened. I walked out of his office to see the same world, the same campus, the same old buildings.

So why do I still catch myself looking for signs the world has stopped days after it happened.

“Evelyn? Helllooo?” Bree waves her hand in front of my eyes and the sounds, sights, and smells of The Bean Queen return.

“Huh?”

“Goddamn someone is distracted.” Bree says. “Are you okay?”

“Yep.” I nod, forcing a smile. “Just thinking of something I want to paint when I get back to the dorms.” It’s all I’ve been doing since Asher and did the unforgivable. I’ve even skipped class to finish one canvas I was working on. It’s the only thing that can distract me from the throbbing in my heart.

“Are you sure?” Bree pushed, her concerned bestie face on. “You’ve seemed a bit out of it the last couple of days. Did something happen with your dad?”

I shake my head. I’ve been to see him a grand total of twice since I started at CSU. “No. Bree, honestly, I’m fine.” The lie tastes sour on my tongue, but I don’t want to worry her.

“Okay.” She says, but the concern in her eyes doesn’t dim. “Speaking of your dad, my mom asked me to make sure you still have her number. She wanted me to tell you that if you ever want her to go check on him, she’ll pop round. Just send her a message.”

I nod, my eyes twitching with the need to fill with tears, but I push them back. “Tell her I said thank you, will you?”

She nods. “How is he, your dad?”

I wince. “Worse than usual.” The last time I saw him he was paler than normal and almost jittery, like a kid on too much candy. “He’s … he was friendly enough but…” I shake my head. “I don’t know, I just got the sense he was hiding something.”

Bree nods. “I’m sure he’s fine but if you ever get worried call her.” I nod but her eyes stay firm. “Promise me, Ev.”

“Thank you.” I breath. “I’m going to visit him for thanksgiving so I’m leaving straight after my date with Jake so it should be fine for now.”

Bree grins, her cheeks lifting. “So, are you excited for your date.”

“I, umm, well …” I don’t know what to say. Am I excited? I don’t think so. I like Jake, as a friend and thinking of him as anything more is kind of sickening, especially now I know him better.

“No?”

I crumble, my head clutched in my hands. “I’m just a mess right now, Bree.”

“You can talk to me about it, you know that Ev?”

I nod. “It’s just complicated, my feelings are just all over the place.”

“I knew it!”

“What?” I look up to see her eyes narrowed.

“You’re having boy issues that aren’t to do with Jake!”

I stare, open mouthed.

“You can’t keep things from me.” She grins. “Now, spill.”

“I …” I hesitate. I can’t tell her, can I? but why the hell not, it’s not like Bree would speak a word of it to anyone. I open my mouth, prepared to tell her, but then her eyes shift up.

“We have a visitor.” She says quickly.

My stomach knots but when I turn it isn’t Asher who’s standing there, it’s Jake. Relief and disappointment slam into me but I wave to him anyway.

“Well, isn’t it the two most beautiful girls on campus.” He says, sitting beside me. I try not to wince at his words but … Jake is just a bit much.

I roll my eyes. “Hey, how was training?”

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