Page 12 of Lessons in Desire

“I don’t know what you’re getting at.” Asher says, his tone bored.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Asher. I know you better than anyone.”

“I don’t know what you think you know, Cameron, but I don’t give a shit. She needed help, I wasn’t going to leave the poor girl stranded in a fucking Kmart.”

The silence is deafening, and I can hear their breaths heaving in between, the sound like a conversation between them I don’t understand.

Someone sighs, Cameron I think, and then he speaks. “Don’t do anything stupid, baby brother. That’s all I’m saying. I’ll see you at Moms on Sunday.” And then he’s gone. I hear the door slam shut and Asher’s resounding whisper of breath.

I tip toe back to the bathroom, silently opening the bathroom door before shutting it, loudly. As I walk back into the room, I force a look of confusion. “Where did your brother go?” I say, pretending that I wasn’t just ease dropping on their conversation.

“He had a call.” Asher says.

“Okay.” I smile but he doesn’t return it, his eyes shuttered in a way I’ve never seen before.

“Let me take you home.” He says, grabbing his keys.

The drive back is made in silence, one that I have no idea how to navigate. It’s thick like fog and the ease with which we’ve been growing dissipates in a second. I grit my teeth against the words I want to say, the demands I want to make, because I have no right to his moods, to his thoughts and we need this distance between us.

This is good. The distance is good.

I swallow against the dryness in my throat. “Thank you. Again. It really means a lot that you helped me tonight.” I say and slip out the car.

He nods. “Goodnight, Evelyn.”

“Night, Asher.” I slam the door shut and he peels out of the parking lot a second later, his wheels squealing into the dark night, the sound like a goodbye.

The distance is good. I repeat back to myself, but the words don’t stop the sinking in my gut as I close my eyes, wrapped in my bed. It doesn’t stop the twisting fear that roots itself deep in my stomach, clawing deep.

The distance has to be good.

Chapter Seven

Asher

The fire in my office flickers and crackles as steam bursts from the wood, disrupting the silence. I look up at the clock and almost groan when I see it’s nine p.m. and I still have three more papers to go. Usually, I would fly through them, but right now, I could cut through the tension in the room with a knife, and my brain can think of nothing but how much I want to fuck her.

Evelyn. She’s sitting on the other side of the couch, a pen paused on the plump curve of her lips as she reads over a paper. Her knuckles are completely bruise free now, but the memory of them still seethes at my core, demanding retribution for her pain.

But I haven’t asked her again who did it. I haven’t spoken to her much beyond the cold, clinical professionalism I’ve forced between us.

The night Cameron patched her up, a rift tore open between Evelyn and I, and it’s still there, bleeding crimson in the space between my need for her. Because Cameron was right. I can’t do this. I can’t fuck her or drag her onto my lap, pressing her flush against me. I can’t do any of that because she’s my student, my TA.

She is forbidden fruit that I cannot, no, that I will not pick.

But resisting her is easier said than done. It’s like she lives under my skin, her essence in my blood, a quiet whisper of Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn. I’m hard constantly, no matter how many times I jack off, no matter whose face I try to replace hers with, and I can no longer get it up for anyone but the image of her.

I grit my teeth and shift, breathing through the desire. That’s when I see a blue line of acrylic smudged near her eye and a bit coating her long blond hair, as if she swiped the strands out of her eyes with paint on her hands.

I narrow my eyes. “Is that paint?”

She turns, her wide eyes open, her words a breathy whisper. Fuck, it’s like she’s testing me on purpose, daring me to swipe away that line in the sand.

“What?”

I point to the line. “You have paint on you. And in your hair.”

A blush stains her cheeks. “Oh, I must have missed that.”

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