Page 33 of Lessons in Desire

“Heroin, Asher. Of all things why did it have to be heroin?”

Asher shakes his head, neither of us having the answer. We stay like that for a long time, me soaking up his strength. After an hour or two, Bree heads into the room after speaking to her mom who’s a nurse on the ward.

“Hey. How’s the old man?” She asks.

I swallow, Asher moves to sit beside me. “He’s stable, but the nurse said that it’s the withdrawal that will cause the most issues.” I wipe a hand down my face. “God, I don’t know what to do.”

“We can get him into rehab.” Asher says.

I shake my head. “We don’t have health insurance. And even if we did, trying to get him to go would be another issue all together.”

Asher goes quiet and Bree shakes her head. “Nope, let’s not think on this now. Come on, let’s go get a coffee. You need a break from this room.”

I look to my dad, not wanting to leave him but …

“I’ll stay with him.” Asher kisses my palm. “Go.” He orders.

I smile, grateful and follow Bree. We walk in silence until we come across a waiting area equipped with a coffee machine and a tray of donuts. As the bitter smelling beverage pours, I turn to Bree.

“Are you mad?”

She shakes her head. “I’m just confused.” She bites her lip. “And I didn’t think it was the time or place to ask.”

“It’s okay. I need the distraction.”

With our coffee’s in hand, we both sit in the waiting room seats, the conversation that’s long been coming waiting in the space between us.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I start.

“These things rarely are planned.”

I nod. “But when I met Asher there was just something … it was like we were connected. At all moments this little string between us would tug and jerk, trying its best to force us together and we fought it but … well in the end, I decided I didn’t want to fight it.”

“How did it happen? Like when?” Bree shakes her head. “I thought you were with Jake.”

I smile guiltily. “Well things have been happening from the beginning, you know the looks and the almost kisses but we didn’t really solidify anything until thanksgiving after the whole thing that happened with my dad. Since then, we’ve just been living like a normal couple, I guess.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice is tense like a piece of string held taut. “I wouldn’t have said a word.”

“I guess I was just struggling to admit my feelings to myself and then when I finally did, I didn’t want the high to end. I didn’t want to risk you having a bad reaction.” I take her hand. “Can you forgive me?”

“Of course, Evelyn. Just know that you can trust me with these things, okay?”

I nod, feeling lighter than I did a moment ago.

“So, what are you two going to do?”

I shrug, the ball of nerves turning in my stomach. “I have no idea but what I do know is that you were right.” Bree’s brows furrow in confusion so I offer her an explanation. “I can’t live my life doing things that don’t make me happy. Asher was the first thing I did to rectify that, majoring in Art History is the second.”

Bree smiles, her white teeth flashing a second before she hugs me. “Thank fuck for that! No offense, but you would have been a miserable accountant.”

I knock my coffee cup against hers, feeling hopeful, and whisper, “True. So, so true.”

Chapter Twenty

Asher

Half an hour after Evelyn left with Bree, her father, whose name I know from his record is Terry, woke up. He’s been staring at the room, confused by his location, fear seeping into his eyes. The drugs are out of his system now, and his eyes are clear, wide, and so similar to Evelyn’s that it makes my heart ache. To think that this is how she grew up, looking after a father who was more in love with booze than he was with his own daughter. Everything about her makes sense, knowing this. She’s independent to a fault, her own sense of autonomy causing her to believe that help is a weakness, and it’s all because she was forced into a role that she was far too young for.

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