Page 26 of Lessons in Desire

“A farmhouse?” I raise a brow. “I was not expecting that. Do you have animals?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t have the time.”

“That’s a shame.”

He shifts, uncomfortable. “How do you feel, all things considered?”

How do I feel? I honestly have no idea. I don’t know how to feel. I’m angry and hurt and terrified. I’ve dealt with my dad’s behaviour for years, but it’s never shifted to something so ugly or violent. I don’t even know what this means in the grand scheme of it all.

“I feel worried about him more than anything.” I look him in the eye, giving him it all. “He’s never been this bad, Asher. That man that I saw yesterday is not my father.” I shake my head. “He’s mean when he’s drunk, but he’s never hit me.”

Asher nods. “What do you want to do.”

“I think it’s best if I leave him to cool off for a few weeks. Maybe … maybe it was just a bad day.” The lie settles, souring on my tongue. Realisation shoots through me. “Oh my god, it’s thanksgiving!” I bolt up. “I’m so sorry, I’ll get out of your way. Jesus, I didn’t even realise.” I go to grab my stuff, my bag and jacket, but Asher stops me, his hands firm on my shoulders.

“Evelyn, stop.” I still, the command in his tone setting something off inside me. “The last thing I want is for you to leave. My parents and brothers are on their way here and I would love if you’d join us.”

“How exactly are you going to explain my presence?” I clap my hand on my mouth. “Especially to the brother that saw you exiting the bathroom with me.” I hiss the words, my cheeks flaming.

He shrugs. “Kaden won’t care, and they know it’s none of their business.”

I shake my head. “I can’t.”

Gently, he grasps me by the face, his fingers firm. “Forget about propriety and answer me this, do you want to stay?”

“Yes.” I say.

“Then stay.”

I swallow. I want to stay but it’s crazy, he could lose his job, I could lose my TA position and … and. I shake my head. For once in my life, I’m going to do something reckless because it’s what I want. Not what I need, or what’s smart, but what I want with every pulse of my throbbing heart.

“Okay.”

After soaking in the shower for an eternity, I pull on my yoga pants, now clean and fresh, with a soft grey T-shirt of Asher’s. He tried to clean my sweater too, but the blood from my lip had soaked in, staining the white with speckles of crimson. It’s a goner.

His family arrived half an hour ago in a sudden gust of energy, that tell-tale sigh of a family in frenzy and I’ve been hiding ever since. It terrifies me, this idea of the functional family dynamic. I’ve never had it, unless the brief glimpses I’ve seen through Bree count, but regardless, it’s mostly uncharted territory.

The ball of nerves in my stomach coils tighter as I step out and start to walk. I still as the sound of a light, feminine laugh pours out of the living room doors, followed quickly by a deeper murmur, my stomach lurching at the sound.

What are they going to think of me being here?

Asher said that he wouldn’t lie about who I am, not to his family, but that they’ll accept it for what it is, so I don’t have to worry.

Just as I’m caught up in my thoughts, a middle-aged woman with the same green eyes as Asher, the same kind twist to her mouth, appears. She stills at the sight of me, her eyes instantly going to my neck, before shifting back up.

“You must be Evelyn?” Her words are warm and comforting like coco on a cold day and I instantly relax into them. I trust Asher, and this is his family, I have nothing to worry about.

I nod. “Yea, I’m a friend of Asher’s.”

Her lips twist up at this. “Yes, he’s told us a lot about you.”

“He has?” I say, surprised, walking the last few steps down. I guess it would make sense that he would tell his mother about his TA, it’s his work after all, I just wasn’t expecting it. Or the warmth that follows the declaration.

Still smiling, she walks over to me, her hands coming to rest on my elbows. “Come, I’ll introduce you to the boys. You have no idea how happy I am to have a girl in the family for once. Oh, and I’m Lillian.”

I open my mouth to ask her what she means by in the family but before I can, I’m thrust into a room with four men. Three of them I know already; Asher and his brothers but the one off to the side must be his dad. In him I see who Asher will eventually grow into. He has a kind mouth and eyes lined gently with laughter, his salt and pepper hair still thick and plentiful.

I smile, instantly feeling at ease in their presence, like coming home to a family I never knew I belonged to.

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