Page 93 of Married to the Frenemy

“Don’t you think you’ve punished yourself enough? Haley loves you, Beck. That proves she doesn’t care about any of this shit.”

“She’s better off without me,” I reiterate. “Her daughter is better off without me.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I answer evasively, not wanting to share exactly what Haley did say. That I didn’t ruin her life. That instead, I saved her life. “It’s done. It’s over. We can both get on with our lives and pretend this never happened.”

He studies me for several long moments with his penetrating gaze. As if the longer he glowers at me, the sooner I’ll crack and finally admit the truth.

“So you’re really okay with this?” he asks finally.

“With what?”

“With watching Haley date another guy. Fall in love. Start a family with him, all the while wondering what would have happened if you hadn’t been such a goddamn pussy?”

“I’m not a pussy,” I argue, rubbing the ache in my chest at the thought.

“Oh, no?”

“Like I told you…this is for the best.” I’m not sure if I’m saying that for him or me. A part of me keeps hoping that the more times I say it, the more I’ll actually believe it.

Because right now, I don’t know what to think.

All I know is that I’ll never be able to live with myself if anything happened to Haley or Maggie because of me.

“You know what? Fuck it.” Jude jumps to his feet and leans toward me, his eyes on fire.

Unlike me, my brother doesn’t get worked up easily. Not unless it’s something or someone he cares about.

“If you want to convince yourself and everyone else you don’t love her because you’re too much of a coward to admit your true feelings, then fine. Go ahead. But I’m not going to tell you that you did the right thing. Or say I agree with it. As far as I’m concerned, this is a giant fucking mistake. And if you don’t see that…” He shakes his head. “Then maybe you don’t deserve her in the first place.” He holds my gaze for a beat, then retreats, leaving me alone once more.

“I’ve never deserved her,” I mutter to myself.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

HALEY

“Eat up, sweetie,” I tell Maggie with a saccharine smile. “We need to leave in ten minutes.”

“Okay, Mama,” she replies, but her voice lacks any enthusiasm.

It’s her first morning waking up without Beckham around.

Or Monte.

When she questioned me about it, I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know if I could get the words out without breaking down. Instead, I did what I swore I never would.

I lied to her.

Told her he’s at work.

He probably is.

But that isn’t why he’s not here.

He’s gone because we’re not together anymore.

If we ever were.

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