Page 60 of Five Days

“You blamed me.”

I huffed a sarcastic un-funny laugh, hating that he saw past all the surface to what bothered me the most. “How well you know me, but it wasn’t your fault. I made those choices then looked for someone else to hold liable. I’m sorry for that too.”

“What happened, Landon?” Zack asked, choosing as always to ignore my apologies.

“More viciousness spread across social media atop the truth the newscasters broadcasted, causing shame and embarrassment. It didn’t matter that I was innocent of the accusations in most of the rumors that stirred up to bash my name along with my parents. People will always judge me based on what happened. They’ll always wonder about me. I’ll never be understood, my supposed addiction to sex when I simply love dick. Being filled with cum.

“But of course, I couldn’t deny myself and took on that identity of being an addict. It wasn’t healthy, but I continued on in secret. A health scare got my ass supposedly sober. And once free from that STD, I vowed to keep my hole to myself, regardless of how starved I was for love and affection. I’ve broken down a handful of times for quick one-on-one hookups, but that’s it. The fear of being taped or even photographed again makes me sick. Literally.”

Zack didn’t even shift as I spilled my truth, just listened, his focus intent on my face.

“I started to write about the fantasies I could no longer experience in reality.”

A slow smile curled his lips. “I’m proud of you.”

Goddamn him. My throat swelled, and I had to blink back more tears. “My family thinks I’m living off my grandmother’s inheritance.”

“And I’m guessing you’re writing romance that would have them clutching their pearls.”

I actually chuckled. “Taboo and forbidden gay smut,” I clarified, my chin lifting a little because I was proud of myself too, damnit. “And I’m making bank, especially with my polyamorous stories.”

“You use a pen name, I’m guessing.”

I nodded. “Father believes Callum is only my friend and approves of him being my housemate since he ‘keeps me in line’.” I huffed another laugh at that one. “If Father read the naughty nugget of smut that led to him being my PA, he would be horrified. So you can understand why I don’t trust just anyone with this information.”

“I do.”

“While I’m not ashamed of how I’ve come to be rich on my own, I can’t stand the thought of any more humiliation. It’s bad enough being in the spotlight as a politician’s son, but with the choices I’d made back then…” I trailed off, shrugging. “I’d rather live without the drama.”

“That, I can understand,” Zack agreed. “I’m not one for that shit myself. Is that why you were hesitant to dance with me when Callum promised you would be safe?”

“Yeah.” I blew out a huge exhale, the burden of secrecy I’d been carrying on my shoulders for so long a little bit lighter. “I avoid social events whenever possible, keep images of the real me off social media. I cling to the only loyal person I have. And even though Callum tries to talk me into going out more often, it’s tough to be vulnerable with anyone else.”

I expected Zack got that part of my thinking too. He’d been buttoned up tight when he’d first come to live with my family, but I hadn’t realized at the time because I’d been a little kid. Recognition came later, not long before I figured out I was in love with him. I’d been fourteen and had heard him crying during the night.

Instead of being on the receiving end of his comfort, I’d offered my arms to the boy who’d always held me.

Zack had soaked my sleep shirt with his tears, and I’d decided in my heart that I wanted to be there for him until we both grew old and gray.

From that moment until the day he’d left, we’d pretty much shared a bed every night without my parent’s knowledge. It’d been purely platonic between us, and that one afternoon I heard my parents discussing Zack’s eighteenth birthday on the horizon and what I expected that meant for his freedom to live his own life, well.

I’d been scared shitless then too. Anxiety had made me sick to my stomach for days on end, and every time I ate, I ended up either hugging the toilet or bent over it groaning with the pains knifing my guts.

But all of that I didn’t share with Zack.

A man could only bare his heart so much before he felt completely eviscerated. And I wanted to enjoy my day alone with him, not wallow in regrets.

Chapter 24

Zack

I packed up our snacks, set the basket off the bed, and lay back, holding my arms out wide in invitation.

Landon scrambled to attach himself to my side like a koala, same as he’d done when we were kids. Still a perfect fit after all these years, I realized while settling my hand on his lower back and atop the forearm he flung over my stomach. Perhaps, even better now that his legs could intertwine with mine, his groin resting against my hip while he snuggled his face against my chest.

“Even better than I remembered,” he murmured, his hot breath inches from my nipple that pebbled with desire to be tugged and bitten.

Kissing his hair, I closed my eyes and released a shit ton of tension from my body with one heavy sigh over how right he felt pressed against me. I wanted nothing more than to live without drama, but I couldn’t be upset that Landon was tucked not just along my entire side but into the corners of my mind as well.

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