Page 91 of Bright Lights and Summer Nights

I smile at the photo she sends of Celeste. She’s got a pair of pajamas on with little paintbrushes on it, and her eyes are wide open where she’s snuggled in the crook of Margo’s arm.

EMMA

Rub her belly for good luck for me!! Wish I was there giving her all the kisses!

Vanessa practically slapping my arm pulls my attention from my phone. “Oh my god, it’s happening!” she screams as two influencers I recognize walk out to the stage.

I’ve talked with both of them online, and they even convinced me to attend a brand trip in Mexico with them next month. I’m excited to meet them in person and get out a little more, but I’m also really nervous.

No matter how many times I tell my management team I think one day people are going to wake up and lose interest in me, they tell me it’s the opposite. More brands want to work with me in different capacities, and I’m starting to believe that just maybe in admitting I was a mess to the world, I’ve found myself a career that I enjoy and find purpose in.

“Those girls seem so nice,” Vanessa says from my side, her nails biting into my arm because of nerves.

I place my hand over hers to try and stop my hands from shaking. I’ve spent days convincing myself that there’s no way I was going to get this award. I didn’t even know the award existed a few months ago. Besides, I haven’t even been on the internet long enough to feel like I deserve to be nominated, but now that they’re about to announce the winner, I’m realizing how badly I want it to be me.

“And the winner for this year’s breakout internet star is…”

“I think I might throw up,” I tell Vanessa, squeezing her hand hard.

“Shhhh,” Vanessa responds, leaning forward.

The presenters open the envelope and share a knowing smile before both leaning into the microphone. “Emma Turner!” they yell excitedly.

The crowd breaks into a cheer while the world goes hazy around me in my childhood living room.

“Oh my!” Vanessa screams, jumping up from her spot on the couch and running a circle around the living room. “That’s you, sweetie!” she shouts, looking at me with wide eyes.

I stay in place, trying to figure out if I heard that correctly. Suddenly, my prerecorded video pops up on the screen. I only recorded it a few days ago, and it took me and Vanessa hours to complete, even though I’d been given a script from my team.

I kept laughing and couldn’t take it seriously because I never thought anyone would see it. It was my way of protecting myself if I were to lose—something I thought would happen.

I’m frozen for a few more seconds, not able to even hear what I’m saying on the screen because how is this happening? How is this my life? Six months ago, I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like a mess and a failure. Now, I’m winning an award.

This is unreal.

Vanessa runs over to me and throws her arms around my body, pulling me off the couch and into a hug. “Oh, my sweet girl, I always knew you’d do big things. Look at you!”

I hug her back, immediately breaking into tears. “This isn’t happening,” I mutter against her hair. The world still seems fuzzy. I can hear my phone vibrating against the cushion behind me, but all I can focus on is the fact that I actually won.

Vanessa grabs my face, tears welling in her eyes. “It happened, dear. You did it. I’m so proud of you.”

A sob breaks free from my chest—a happy one. I hadn’t realized how bad I needed to hear someone say they were proud of me until this moment. In fact, I don’t think I would’ve believed anyone telling me they were proud of my accomplishments until this moment.

It’s been a long time since I felt like I’ve done anything important with my life, but now, I finally feel like I have. It’s the best I’ve felt about myself in a long time.

Vanessa pulls away before reaching down to grab my phone and hand it to me. “Now, celebrate with all your friends and fans!”

I take the phone from her, knowing I need to put something on my page thanking everyone. Before I can do that, a text on my screen catches my attention.

PRESTON

I’ve always known you were something special, rebel. Glad the rest of the world knows too. Counting down the days until February.

I read his text over and over again until I’ve committed it to memory. Notifications keep popping up, but I ignore every single one of them as I think about what to say back to Preston.

Do I even say anything at all?

We haven’t spoken since I left his apartment. The way he barely looked at me as he left me in that elevator has been burned in my mind. I don’t want him to think I’m ignoring him, so I type out a response and hit Send before throwing my phone and enjoying the moment with Aunt V.

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