Page 90 of Bright Lights and Summer Nights

When I post to my own platform, I’m able to control the narrative. I have a team comb through the comments, so that isn’t even something I have to worry about anymore. Anything I put out into the world, I control, and it’s refreshing.

“Not another commercial break,” Vanessa complains, shaking her head.

I laugh, continuing to pour the candy into the bowl. Our eyes were a little bigger than our stomachs with the amount of candy we picked out, but I love the variety of options we have for tonight.

“If you can’t hear her in the background, my aunt Vanessa is impatiently waiting for the breakout internet portion. I, on the other hand, am so nervous. Whatever happens, I cannot believe you guys made me a finalist to begin with.” I pause what I’m doing, looking at the camera as a wave of emotions passes through me. “I just appreciate you being here every step of the way on my very messy journey, and I need you to know how much I love every single one of you.”

When I first came back to live with Aunt V, it was hard. All I wanted to do was call Preston and tell him I’d made a mistake. I wanted to find a way to be long distance and do anything to make it work. But then I’d see the Mambas’ posts of him at practice or the paparazzi videos of him leaving the gym, and I realized he was staying true to his word.

He was devoting himself to his career, and he deserved that, to be the best version of himself as a quarterback and teammate. So, if he was going to hold up his end of the deal, I needed to hold up mine.

And while with each passing day, I feel a little more at peace with where my life’s at, I know there’s still more I want to figure out before jumping into things again. If Preston and I get back together, that’ll be it for me because I still believe he’s it for me. I just don’t want to inevitably ruin things because I’m a mess, so I’ll keep doing what I came here for.

I finish pouring the last bag of candy into the bowl, pushing thoughts of Preston to the back of my mind. I blink a few times, trying to stop my own sheet mask from slipping and falling into my eyes. I laugh at myself, knowing I’m going to have to keep that part in the video.

I’ve started to do more brand deals recently and have tried to diversify my content, but my favorite videos are still the ones where followers see the more authentic parts of my life. “Now that we have all the candy in here,” I begin, telling my audience how to make a candy salad even though everyone is making them on the internet right now, “you just have to mix it all up and enjoy it.”

I pick a sour gummy worm from the bowl and take a bite. I already know by the end of the night, my taste buds are going to feel like they’re gone from all the sour candy I plan to consume, but I’m going to enjoy the candy anyway. It’s not every day you’re nominated for a huge award.

I stop the video and take my phone from the stand. There are a thousand texts from Winnie and Margo, who are watching together in Manhattan. I’m a little sad to not be there with them, but they both came to visit last week, and we spent a few days together.

Beck had to go out of town for work, and although he fought leaving Margo alone while Celeste is still so little, we were able to convince him that a girls’ weekend would be a blast. Margo was all for it. I think she pretty much leapt off the private jet when I went to pick them up from the airport.

Beck, on the other hand, pouted the entire time he was saying goodbye, but I don’t blame him. Celeste is almost six weeks and the most precious little bundle. Vanessa, Winnie, and I all fought over who got the baby snuggles while they were here.

It was great to show my best friends where I grew up. I think they knew I needed to see them but that I wasn’t ready to return to Manhattan, and I’m forever grateful to have had the time with them.

“Are you coming or not? I need the candy and Oreos!” V calls from the living room. “Plus, these dang commercials should be done soon, and I don’t want you to miss it.”

I roll my eyes. While I’ve been here, I introduced Vanessa to streaming services, and now just the mention of a commercial makes her impatient.

“I’m coming,” I tell her, grabbing the Oreos she so desperately wants in one hand and the giant bowl of candy in the other.

I take a seat on the couch next to her and put down the food. Vanessa immediately reaches for an Oreo and pops it into her mouth.

She blows a raspberry, pulling at the sheet mask on her face. “I’m pretty sure I just accidentally ate a chunk of this thing. I’m trying to be young and cool with you, but I think that’s enough skin care for me tonight.” She pulls the face mask off completely, folds it up, and places it on the side table next to her.

I repeat her motion, wanting to enjoy my food without accidentally taking a bite of the mask we were sent from a brand to try out. “You’re always cool, V.”

She immediately shushes me through her mouthful of cookie when the award show host pops up on the screen.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I look down at the texts rolling in. The first one is from Ophelia, my manager.

OPHELIA

Yours is next! They were very adamant about getting your pre-recorded thank-you video from me in case you won. They don’t typically do that unless you’re the winner.

My heart races at her text. My hands shake with nerves as I type a text back.

EMMA

Maybe they’re just extra prepared. Trying not to get my hopes up!

I look through my other texts while the host talks about a movie that just released. I’m trying to stay distracted up until the moment they present the award. If I think about it too much, I might throw up from nerves.

MARGO

Even Celeste wanted to party and watch Aunt Em win an award!

---