“You’re fucking lying!”
“Figliolu…”
“You raped her and she was miserable and she left your sorry soul to save herself and me. You’re not the hero.” I lash out and grab him by his collar with both hands to lift him to his toes. I hope he chokes on his lies.
“No Lisandru” he gasps. “I’d never hurt your mother.”
I release him with a push and he tumbles against the desk, the paws rattling against the hardwood floor with the weight of the impact. I turn around and press my hands at my temples, my breath quickening to a dangerous pace.
“Your mother and I had an arranged marriage and we never got along, but I never forced her to lay with me. I never wanted to hurt her. When she left, she gave me the greatest gift, the opportunity to dissolve our marriage and be with the love of my life. I wish she didn’t take you with her. You don’t have to believe me. Just let me be the father I should have been for you, let me show you the man I am, Lisandru.”
I grimace at his pleading and keep my back to him, incapable of watching the hope bloom behind his irises. The feelings churning in my gut are so contradictory, I close my eyes in hope of getting even an ounce of clarity.
“It will take time. A long time. I’ll be back this afternoon to sign the merger papers.”
I exit the office then the house like my ass is on fire.
Fuck, I need to call my mother. Confronting her will be useless and I doubt she lied but I need to know for sure. Growing up with her meant I was privy to her mental state and she was a shell most of the times when I broached the topic of Kalliste. Is it even possible that she never used the word “rape” but my eleven-year-old mind conjured it to justify the pain my mother was in? Did I create hate in my heart for my father to have someone to blame?
On my way to Lana’s, I dial my mother’s number for a phone call I’m dreading. She answers on the third ring, “You better start apologising right away for not calling me back, ragazzo mio.”
I thought we sucked at greetings because of my father but Anna Pierce could outdo us all.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. Maybe that’s the reason why, mother.
Without prompting, she starts to tell me about galas she went to and the London’s elite best gossip but I cut her off. “I need to know why you left Kalliste. For real this time.”
She inhales sharply like I just stabbed her heart. And maybe I did but I don’t know what is true and what isn’t anymore and if I want to move forward with revenge or love, I need to know. There’s no inbetween, no place for doubt.
“I can’t talk about this, and you know it Lisandru.”
She sounds outraged and pained, but I’m not a child anymore and I’ve spent too much time with Jules and Lana and even my father to believe only one side of the story. I need more than what she ever gave me.
“Tell me Alessio raped you and I promise you he’ll never see the light of day ever again.”
“Don’t be stupid, Lisandru. Alessio and I got married because our parents signed a contract for us. He’s a monster but not that type. How the hell did you get this idea in your head?”
“You took me from school when I was nine and we never came back, what else was I supposed to think? You had a manic episode when I asked about it. You completely flipped when I told you I was marrying Alana Moretti.” My voice gets louder the more I talk to her. This entire conversation feels unreal, like I’m the one with delusion and my mother is the sane one.
“Just because he didn’t force himself on me doesn’t mean he isn’t a bad man who deserves to rot in jail or better, fucking die along with his slut and his spawn from Hell.”
Icy rage freezes my lungs; my voice is the coldest I’ve ever heard. “If anything happens to Julian or Bea, it won’t matter that you’re my mother and I love you more than anything, nowhere will be safe for you. Do you understand me?”
“Lisandru, I…”
“Do. you. Understand?” I insist on every word, hoping her bitterness is bound by her love for me.
“Yes, I understand.”
I remain silent, trying to process what my mother just admitted. She was never assaulted. She was miserable, yes, but my father isn’t the monster I painted him to be to help my inner nine-year-old process the grief of losing him. My vision blurs and I park on the side of the road.
Lana might not be the only one who needs to burn her past. I just don’t know how. Suddenly, I jerk my fist on the steering wheel over and over and over. I want to erupt but I can’t, my mother is still on the line.
She sounds sour when she speaks. “Spending time on Kalliste is corrupting you.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“I figured as much. Your father will continue to try to turn you against me.”