Jameson

Playlist: "Only One," Yellowcard, Hammock

It’s twice now that I’ve held Amelia in my arms while she’s been unresponsive. Twice that I’ve wondered if she’s even going to pull through or if I’m going to have to figure out how to manage this life without her in it. It’s not something I ever want to happen again, and I swear to myself that I’ll never let us get here again.

I’m sitting at her bedside, holding her hand between both of mine as I look over her resting in the hospital bed. Her dark hair fans across the pillow beneath her head and I know if she was awake she’d be begging for a hair tie to manage it. Her skin is so pale after everything she’s been through that the smattering of freckles across her cheeks stand out more than I’ve ever seen them, like muddy footprints in a field of snow.

They’ve told me that she’s going to be alright, that she’ll recover, but who can really know that? Her body may heal, but who’s to say what all of this will do to her mind? She’s been through so much trauma in such a short period of time and I wasn’t there for her.

I’ll never forgive myself for not realizing what was going on sooner. I’ll never stop blaming myself for not reporting Tori when she started stalking me before Amelia was even in the picture. That Tori was capable of worming her way into my life so deeply without me even wanting her to makes me sick.

I’m so fucking angry that it got to this. I want her to wake up so that I can tend to her, take care of her if she’ll let me. She may want nothing to do with me at this point, and I honestly wouldn’t blame her.

Tori might be in custody now, but there’s no telling what’s going to happen with that. The police have already failed Amelia and I once and I don’t exactly expect them to come through when it comes to this, either. Even if she serves time, she’ll eventually get out, and then what? Are we expected to just carry on like this never happened?

I can’t. There’s not a single thought in my mind that I’ll never be able to shake the memories of what has happened these last few days. If it comes down to it, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep Amelia safe, whether that be walking away from her, or ending Tori’s life if she comes after her again. Maybe it makes me a shitty person, but I’d rather the latter.

It’s fucked up that we should have to walk away from one another because some chick has gotten some idea into her head that I owe her something, that I belong to her in some way. It’s not fair. We had one damn date and I never let her believe that there would be anything more than that. I shouldn’t be getting punished for not having an interest in her.

If Amelia chooses to walk away, that’s entirely different. I won’t be like Tori in any sort of way. If she wants to go, I’ll allow her that and I’m not going to fight her on it. She deserves to be able to make that decision on her own, even if I don’t benefit from it. I owe her at least that after all of this. None of it would have happened if it wasn’t for me.

There’s a knock on the door and I raise my gaze as the door pushes open, Kat poking her head around the door before she comes all the way in. “I bring a peace offering,” she says softly, extending her arm so I can see the to-go cup of coffee in her hand.

“Is that from the hospital cafeteria?”

She scoffs. “I wouldn’t subject you to that motor oil. It’s from the cafe down the street.”

“In that case, peace offering accepted.” I offer her as much of a smile as I can muster and she comes into the room, passing over the cup and I let go of Amelia’s hand with one of my own to take it from her. “Thank you.” I bring the cup up to my lips but pause, glancing at Kat again as she stands watching me. “There’s poison in here, isn’t there?”

She smiles widely. “It’d be a pretty shitty peace offering if there was,” she shrugs, and I scoff and take a drink. Can’t say I didn’t deserve it if she did poison it.

When I’d come into the room earlier and pulled Tori off Amelia for the second time, we didn’t even realize Kat was in the room. One of the police officers found her and, thankfully, she was just unconscious and not dead. Tori had somehow gotten one up on her and hit her over the head. She had a sore spot and some stitches hidden by her hair but luckily enough had no reason to be admitted to the hospital.

She’d torn into me the whole time they checked her and Amelia over. Told me I was an idiot, in a much more lengthy and colorful way, and that I should have done something more about this earlier. Once we found out Amelia would be okay, it was like the wind left her sails and she apologized profusely for what she’d said, but her words will still haunt me for a long time to come. Not because they were uncalled for, but because she was right.

“Still no changes?” she asks, pulling a chair up to the opposite side of the bed, and I shake my head.

“Not so much as a twitch,” I sigh, squeezing her hand within my own, wishing that I could feel her squeeze back. It’s only been about 6 hours, but it’s felt like an eternity sitting here, watching her for the smallest of possible movements.

I jolt up straighter in my seat when her fingers do actually squeeze mine back.

“What is it?” Kat says, fear in her eyes.

“She squeezed my hand.” I jolt to my feet. “Hit the call button! She squeezed my hand!”

She grabs at the controller on the hospital bed, jabbing at the call button repeatedly. The nurses at the station are probably bitching about us right now, but I don’t even care. I want one of them here immediately when she opens her eyes, just in case she’s in any sort of pain. Kat must have the same thought because she drops the controller and runs to the door.

“Can I get a nurse or doctor in here?” she calls out into the hall, not giving a damn about her volume level.

I lean down, stroking her face. Her eyelids squinch and I can’t help the smile that pulls at my lips at that one, tiny little motion. My girl is waking up. She’s okay after all.

“Come on, baby. Wake up for us. We’ve been here waiting and we’re ready to have you come back now.”

I stroke her hair, wanting to offer her any kind of comfort that I can whilst also alleviating the urge I have to reach out and make sure that this is real, that she’s real, and that I haven’t somehow fallen asleep beside her bed and dreamed this all up as some cruel torture chamber within my own mind. Her hair is soft beneath my fingers, and her lips part with a whine as I touch her.

“That’s it.” I stroke her more as tears run from the corners of her eyes to disappear into her hair. “You’re okay, baby. We’re here and we’ve got you.”

Kat runs back into the room and grabs Amelia’s other hand. Pressing quick kisses to the back, she squeezes it between her own, hugging her arm against her chest. “We’re right here,” she says against her skin in reassurance.