Page 14 of The Good Girl

Chapter 7

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That was our beautiful beginning and from then ‘til now I never questioned that he found something more in me than in all the others. It was never anything he said, that had never changed. He was still as tight lipped as he ever was.

But it was in the small things. Like the way he touched me out of the blue sometimes, as if he couldn’t help himself. Or the way he’d pull me into his office under the pretense of dictating something only to take me up against the wall or across his desk.

He’d never spent the night, not even that first time, and the one time I’d fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion after spending the whole night coupled with him, I’d awakened to find him gone, the place next to me cold.

Now he was gone, and so was she. It could only mean one thing. They were off somewhere together. Was he making love to her now? Would she be the one to finally melt that cold heart of his? Be the next Jonas Harp?

The pain was too much to bear and I almost buckled under it. As usual I didn’t know what to do. I’d never suffered heartache of his magnitude. Yes I’ve suffered loss before, but nothing had ever hurt like this.

I roamed the house like a trapped animal sick of my own thoughts. For the first time since falling in love with him, I felt real defiance. I’d never even entertained the idea of disobeying him, not once, but now my anger was such that I didn’t care. He was gone anyway so whatever we had before, was null and void.

I grabbed my purse and threw on an old pair of jeans and a halter top that I hadn’t worn in forever, and headed back out the door.

I drove to a little bistro not far from the house. I could do with a glass of wine now, but with the baby I daren’t risk it. Instead, I ordered a French onion soup starter and a greasy cheese burger and fries.

For some reason my anger seems to have fueled my hunger, either that or the child in my womb was demanding to be fed. The baby! What am I going to do about the baby? I no longer cared to tell her no good sperm donor about her existence; he could rot for all I care.

I tore the bread in the basket they’d placed on the table to shreds imagining I was tearing into Jonas Harp’s hide. I sat there in contemplation trying to come up with the best plan of action.

Should I pack my bags and leave without seeing him again? Should I for once take the initiative and make the first move? It’s what any self respecting woman would do. But as mad as I was, the thought of never seeing him again cut to the core. And what if I was wrong?

No, no I’m not. I’m sure I’m right. It had all the earmarks of his MO. But to do it in front of me, to give me no warning. Was he planning to throw me out like garbage? Was he going to put her in my home, in my bed?

Were they laughing at me? Sneering behind my back? I tried to remember if she’d ever seen anything happen between us that would make her suspicious of our true relationship, but drew a blank. What about the others? Had the ladies in the secretary pool guessed at his real reason for hiring me as his assistant? Not that I could continue working there at the firm after this. But having anyone else know of my stupidity was not something I could endure.

I’ll leave town. That’s it. I’ll start over somewhere else. I’m young and able. There’s no reason I can’t make it on my own, I’ve done it before. It was a good thought but a scary one, especially with a baby on the way. Obviously, I couldn’t tell him about the baby. What if he insisted I get rid of it?

Then came the memories. Flooding my mind like a movie reel. All those times I’d seen a small glimpse of the man beneath the hard shell. Those times I’d secretly watched him and seen a different side to him.

Not just with sex. There were times when I’d catch him watching me, just staring as if trying to see into me. And then they were the times when I’d feel the change in his touch.

I picked at my food when it came with my mind drifting. I knew what I needed to do. All I needed was the strength to do it.

***

“Where the hell have you been?” I almost jumped out of my skin. I’d walked into the house and was reaching for the light switch when his voice came out of the darkness.

I adjusted my eyes with my hand still outstretched and found him sitting in a corner of the room. Everything I’d told myself, all the plans I’d been making in the last few hours flew out the window. He was here.

“I…” He left his seat and made his way to me, stopping mere inches away from me. I saw anger in his eyes as he glared down at me.

“I asked you a question.” It was the first time I’d seen his anger turned against me. When his hand came up and around my neck I swallowed hard and looked for an escape.

“I went out to dinner.” I barely got the words out around the lump in my throat. “With who?” What? Was he on something? Who could I have gone out with? He’d kept me isolated from everyone these last few months. He looked down at my clothes with a sneer.

“With no one, I was alone.” My voice was tinny and weak with uncertainty. I’d never seen this side of him before.

“Don’t lie to me.” He shook me but even now he was careful not to hurt me. “I’m not lying I promise.” He studied me for the longest time and it was then I realized how uneven his breathing was.

The hand around my throat had a slight tremble to it, but that could be repressed anger and not the fear I saw mixed with that anger in his eyes.

“You broke the rules, you weren’t my good girl. Now I have to punish you.” My eyes widened at his words and I wrenched myself away and turned to run. It was pointless; he caught me in three steps or less.

“Come here, where are you going?” He dragged me to the bedroom kicking and screaming and over to the bed. “Quiet.” I stuttered to silence and recoiled from the venomous look in his eyes. He went back to being Mr. Silent as he walked around the room with my eyes following his every move.

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