Page 100 of Ryker

Pulling my cell out, I scroll down the list of contacts and rearrange my brain chemistry just enough to solidify my decision on what my next steps will be. I have no future here. I have no future anywhere. But I’ve built a network of hungry animals and since I’m what they like to eat…

I’ll let them feast until they choke.

By the time I make it back to my apartment, I’m someone else. Someone colder. Someone with nothing left to lose. Using my key, I open Natalie’s door and see her shit’s still gone, and she’s not there. Fucking cunt. Locking it back up, I climb another flight before I have to sit down. My chest hurts. My lungs don’t seem to want to work.

Pulling out a switchblade I carry for protection, I flick it open and palm the handle. The urge to slit my wrists isn’t strong anymore. Not like it was a week ago. Or a year ago. Or even three years ago. No, that was the old Ryker.

This new Ryker Hudson is in a nice suit, shiny shoes, and has nothing left to lose.

And everything to gain.

Palming my knife, I carve “You’re worth more than this” into the windowsill that looks out at the park. It’s the truth. I am worth more than what those fuckers have been paying. Just like my mother was worth more than what life gave her.

I’m worth everything.

Even if it’s only me who pays the price.

I’ll never find love. That much, I know. If Kenzie could throw me away so easily, it’ll be the same for everyone else I meet. I don’t blame them. I’m garbage.

And now I’m going to become a very expensive piece of meat.

Today is the first day of my new life and I’m getting this date inked onto my chest the first chance I get, so I’m always reminded of the moment Ryker the whore became Ryker the monster. Let everyone who wants a piece of me now choke to death on the first motherfucking bite they take…

“You built an empire.”

Tara’s voice brings me back to the present. “Yeah. I guess I did alright for myself.”

“Alright? You’ve made millions, Ryker.” Tara grabs my hand and squeezes it. “You should be proud.”

“How much champagne did you have at brunch?” And how much did I actually say out loud while strolling down painful memory lane?

“You never found Natalie?”

“Nope. Natalie wasn’t her real name. And the apartment wasn’t her only residence. She told me both those things after I started working with her, so finding her was never a possibility once she ghosted.”

“I’m glad you had friends with you.”

We cut across the grass and I’m a little ashamed to admit I’m struggling to remember where my mother’s grave is. That day she went in the ground is a blur for me. “Yeah, me too. They’re amazing.” And just as broken as me in some ways. “I think she’s over here.” I double back and go a different direction. “No. Wait.”

“Stop.” Tara grabs my shoulders and looks up at me. “It’s okay if you can’t find her.”

Fuck. She knows. It makes me want to find my mother faster to prove I’m not a complete piece of shit. “I just need to figure my surroundings out.”

“What’s her name?”

“Ashley Hudson.” I walk faster, feeling frantic as I snake through the graves. “She’s got a dark tombstone with flowers carved all over it.”

It’s like we’re on a fucking treasure hunt, only instead of finding jewels, I’ll get a corpse.

I question my sanity and whether I came to the right cemetery when Tara hollers, “Over here!”

Sprinting to where she stands, I stare at the grave. It’s like no time has passed. Someone’s taken care of her stone and when I see the limp daisy looking flower laying in the grass, I know who it is.

“Dmitri used to always pick my mom weeds that had blooms on them.” I can’t believe he still does this. “I’ve been a horrible son.”

“You’ve been a grieving son.”

“I never came back.”

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