I nodded. Was I trustworthy? Doing what was right and protecting someone didn’t mean you were trustworthy. I had a good moral compass, but it could disappear in a second. What if something set me off and I became my father?
“I trust you.”
I stared out at the beach. Did she trust me because she needed to?
“Ethan, look at me.”
I faced her.
“You need to stop living in the shadow of your father. You’re not him.”
“I don’t want to hurt you or the children.” I didn’t want to be a monster.
She caressed my face, her thumb rubbing my cheek bone. “You are nothing like the thing you fear. You need to let go of that fear.”
I searched her eyes, her face for any doubt. There was none. She believed in me. I needed to believe in myself too.
“I’ve been scared all my life, Jasmine. My marriage didn’t work because of it.”
“Do you feel different now? With me? Us?”
The way she saw me and understood me made me feel different.
“You make me feel safe. Your trust scares the shit out of me. But it also makes me feel strong.”
She placed her hand on my heart. “You’ve been strong for thirty-five years. Now it’s time to be a different type of strong. Be brave enough to let your feelings out.”
I could do that for Jasmine. And I could do that for me. I’d told her so much more than I’d ever told anyone. She wouldn’t shun or belittle me. She was gentle with my feelings. I took hold of both her hands.
“I can do that. You’ll just have to remind me when I fall back into old habits.”
“I’ll help you.”
I believed her. She already had. I was a different person than I had been two and a half months ago.
“You can help with something else too.” I reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“What’s that?”
I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her. Her lips were eager. I ran my hand up her bare leg. My heart beat fast. This was the most I’d ever touched her. My fingers trailed under the hem of her shorts. Higher. Closer. Jasmine’s breathing hitched; her lips paused. I’d gone too far. I withdrew my hand, ready to say sorry.
She pulled her lips away. Fuck. I should have stuck to kissing.
“Sleep with me tonight,” she said.
My eyes widened. I tried to control my breathing. Did she mean sleep with her or sleep with her? Did I need to get condoms?
She must have taken my lack of words as consent because she grabbed my hand and led me inside. I locked the door behind us and followed her to her bedroom. She turned her back to me and took her shorts and top off, replacing them with a tank top and sleep shorts. She turned to me and gave me a small shaky smile before hopping into bed.
Shit. We didn’t have to do this. Not if she didn’t want to. I would have been happy with kissing her delectable lips. I took my shorts and t-shirt off, leaving my underwear on, and hopped in beside her. I lay on my back and reached for her hand. Should I say something? What?
I tilted my face to hers. “Just to be clear…are we sleeping in the same bed together, or are we sleeping together?”
Fuck, that sounded stupid.
“Do you want to?” she asked, her voice quiet. She didn’t look at me.
“There will never be a time in the next million years when I don’t want to have sex with you.”